I am a 25 year old butcheyfemme queer with rubbish on my mind and sparkles everywhere else
My poof, Babs
Straight Man A
I wanted to say that my Friday was porn themed. It was, in a kinda boring way but I will tell you about it anyway. I ventured into Europe’s biggest porn store with my poof, Babs. Obviously we have differing opinions on porn content, him likin’ a good dick lickin’ while I like nothing better than staring into the abyss that is snatch… or something. While it wasn’t my first porn store visit, it was almost the most disappointing. I wanted something foul, and while there was a host of brutish magazines for those with funny (haha funny not odd funny) preferences such as chicks with dicks and a bunch of s&m stuff they had nothing out of the ordinary. I expected to enter this realm of all things sleaze and find something I could get nowhere else but all it was all novelty hen night shite and standard PVC outfits with material-less thongs to match. In short it was a three floor Anne Summers with hefty prices to match. There was a ‘sale’ section but nothing caught my eager eye although there did seem to be a lot of interest in Anal Rama. I didn’t want to purchase pure unadulterated filth simply for my own amusement; I also wanted to post it under my flatmate’s door so the first thing she saw when she awoke would be a big shiny wet beaver. To a force this image onto a straight girl with a hangover is just plain cruel, but funny nevertheless. It never happened tho and my quest for depraved dirty flabby granny slags was unfulfilled. Whilst in the porn shop I did begin another search… an erection hunt. I have no interest in the male sex organ but I wanted to see how many men were crackin a fat at all the tits (of varying sizes) and fanny (also of varying sizes) on display. Most men came prepared in baggy trousers and longer coats so peering pervy eyes such as mine could see nothing, and to aid their comfort but there were some men notably getting flustered and denting their jeans as they self consciously flicked thru pages of Pussy World. The best treasure in my hunt was the geezer who had not carefully thought his visit to the porn store thru and was crouched in a corner in motorcycle leathers lookin very pained and was visibly shakin and unable to get out of his bending position. I understand he had been there some time.
Needless to say I did not buy anything and instead went drinkin in a gay bar before quaffing cheap alcopops and heading to Popstarz with poofs and straight man A (who is really likin’ these homo bars…!) in tow. There was no porn to be had here… The last time I came here I met Jo Guest, glamour model extraordinairre, and had to be dragged away from the rampant beast before I stuck to her rubber dress. Jo (on familiar terms with her) did in fact offer me a drink and I have talked about nothing ever since. And who can blame me? But alas, the lady was nowhere to be found this week and so I made it my mission to visit my local 24hour shop on the way home with a view to purchasin porn, again. I browsed thru the shelves at a leisurely rate but all the good stuff was wrapped in cellophane and cost at least £10. Usually this would b reasonable, I guess, but the ‘drinkin head’ is not a voice of reason so I dramatically exited the shop buying peanuts and diet coke. Wot a woman.
And so as of yet, I have no porn. Its not that I have a porn fixation tho you’d be forgiven for thinkin this. I mean I haven’t bought porn in years, nor have I raided my best friends bother’s porn collection in the same length of time but I’m here, in London for only 6 weeks before returing to my feeble city in Scotland and so I need porn! I really do, even if only for comedy value that only my weird self will appreciate. That’s why I love porn so. It’s funny, agree or don’t, I find it hilarious, mainly for the facial expressions and bad perms that are so unfitting of a porn star. Anything that makes me laugh is worth a lot and so I will stick by my wanting of porn and keep you updated on any developments of the sleaze variety, as well as informing you of my visit to my first lesbo bar… but enough already.
Jean Paul Perfume, sentimental
Vaseline, for lips (of the facial variety)
Pink nail varnish
Nutra Grains Ellevenses
Having the cold and not bein able to smell how bad I smel
People who don’t reply to texts, call me needy buthey
Pubes in the Shower
My hair in the rain, curly is not a good look for me
Compulsively Eating, which i do regularly
2/25/2002 01:16:00 PM
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