I am a 25 year old butcheyfemme queer with rubbish on my mind and sparkles everywhere else
Queen of Fun, (self proclaimed by the lady lesbo herself who has an inability to express joy vocally, she is beautiful)
The Clubb (poof numero deux who’s compact and bijou and possesses an odd sense of humour)
Straight Man A (a hit with both men and ladies alike)
Feely up Fee
My weekend was one of culture, mad lesbos and immaturity. Pretty much run of the mill then, aside from the culture part which would only have been true had I allowed myself to feel cultured by my visit to the Tate Modern and the British Museum. I am not an art lover. I do not appreciate the intellectual bollox that tends to go with art, probably cos I am not intelligent enough to appreciate it but that’s fine by me. It interests me not.
However, my visits to these places of old things and pretty things was fun. I had my friends to visit this week and sick of shopping, the Queen of Fun wanted to do things of interest… and I was happy to oblige, I always am J. I did find it weird however that the only section that really took our fancies was the one with all the preserved dead people.
And onto my new club of choice, POPSTARZ and to my first near pick pocketing experience. I am a martyr when it comes to reminding people to watch their bags so I was shocked to feel a rumble in my bag, and even more shocked that I noticed this rumble after consumption of numerous alcopops. I swung round only to come face to face with no, not a maniacal heroin fulled bloke but a raging lesbo with venom in her eyes (and on her breath). It seems that I had interrupted her having a rummage in my ‘fanny pack’ and so she reeled of a tirade of abuse before storming past us to find her next victim. Luckily the filthy dyke had not managed to get her fingers deep enough into my crevices and got nothing. Jeez, this London trip has so done nothing to up my opinion of these near men lady lovers.
So, anyway, after squeezin ourselves into the Liquid Lounge for musical delights such as The Monkeys and Pulp we headed for Popstarz. The ‘common room’ was divine. The ability of the DJ to mix such concoctions as Sugababes and Papa Roach and Shampoo was outstanding and dance all night we did. The only real problem I encountered was trying to variate my dancing to each style of music. I pulled of some phat moves, thought I was the best dancer in the place and clearly wasn’t but alcopops saved me caring about this. My last night of london clubs will be on Friday and so I will pay one final visit to this joyous, sparkley anything goes club.
Wandering through Soho on Saturday night it was great to see a multitude of same sex couples holding hands and being publicly affectionate toward each other. The Queen of Fun and I joined in with this trend to aviod the vicious stares we always get from gay men who look at us as if to question why we might be in an exclusive gay bar. It was our way of proudly exclaiming, ‘WE ARE LESBIANS’ and while this worked well, it was possibly a little too effective as we were man handled by various greasy lesbians trying to recruit us and sign us up to their venture that is The Candy Bar. I will go there on Wednesday, a final goodbye to all things testosterone.
The rest of the weekend was spent devouring vast quantities of food and playing my game of ‘Spot the Visible Fanny Lips’. I find it unbelievable that girls (and sometimes boys who pull trousers so tight that one ball is visible over each side of the crotch) can pull their trousers/jeans up so far that I see lips protruding. The sight is not one of beauty and really must hurt and may ultimately disfigure. The rules were simple, four points for every set. My running total was about 3000. That’s a lotta lips. This is by far my favourite game.
All in all my weekend was fabulous and unfortunately my last here before I return to the delights of the Aberdeen gay scene, as non existant as it is.
Tomb Raider Soundtrack
Queen of Fun
Hairy Nails (don’t ask)
Being 22 (my last day of which is today)
People chewing gum
Only having 5 more days here
Poofs on drugs wanting to snog me
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