Diary of a Glitter Splashed Britney Lovin' Lesbo

I am a 25 year old butcheyfemme queer with rubbish on my mind and sparkles everywhere else

Name:Miss Fee


My 100 Things

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Currently Reading:

The Outsider - A Camus

Choke - C Palahnuik


Thursday, March 28

I think I need to re-evaluate the content of my site. Personally I think it
does just fine but when I tried to submit it to various sites to give myself
a bit of free advertising I was informed that it contravened many criteria.
For one it was deemed to contain too much ‘foul language’. Apparently
‘fuck’ is an unacceptable swear word. Fucked if I knew that. Only swear
words that are used pre watershed or something to that effect are allowed.
Oh so maybe the word ‘twit’ definitely not twat and possibly the popular
aussie phrase ‘rack off’ may have snuck through the rigid guidelines. And
secondly, it was termed bordering on the pornographic… What the fuck? Now
maybe my interpretaion of pornographic is different from those folks that
decided this but where is the porn in my site? I do not think that talking
about buying porn is classified as pornographic writing. Not the way I
write anyhow. I could write pornographically if I really wanted and while I
would love to give you an example of such apparently I do not need to cos
apparently my site is filled to the brim (something as a lesbian I know
nothing about). Now the trashwhore diaries, that’s pornographic. It’s
supposed to be, a bit of light pornographic fun but to classify the Glitter
Diaries as porn? Where’s the doing dogs and shaggin sisters in my site?
Well the ‘doing dogs’ is kinda reminiscent to the various breeds of mutt I
met on my visits to lesbian bars... I should be flattered that I am deemed
worthy of writing such grotesqueness really. Mr Tryhardloser got his site
accepted. Not an ‘F’ word in sight. No fanny no fisting and definitely no
fucking. You gotta feel for the guy… I am so only joking Straight Man A!
Finally, as if I need anymore evidence that my site was ‘inappropriate’,
they classed it ‘offensive’. Me offensive? I’m about as offensive as that
awkward booger that finally dislodges itself into someone else’s napkin. So
yeah I guess if you find that offensive then offensive I am As long as it
aint my napkin it’s sloppin’ about in

Yesterday I stood in a black shit. A real soot coloured shit that stuck to
my shoe with the consistency of tar. How can shit be black? What the fuck
do people eat, because believe me no animal I know could ever foul the
street with a turd this collosol, to make their shit look like a steamin’
mound of charred remains? It took me a good 2 hours to drag my foot along
the ground to get the clumps off and then a further 2 days to remove all the
tougher bits from the grooves. Today I will not bite my nails for fear of
what juiciness I mite stumble upon. People really need to be more
considerate when they are eating if they plan on taking a crap on a side

As if I wasn’t mad enough by this point, I took my wibbly ass over to work
and trailed any last remaining bits of thick shit up the wooden stairs only
to come back down them in my stunning red ensemble to be faced with a common
trash green eye-shadowed 14 year old wearing my classy playboy bag. How
dare she?! Does she know who I am? Clearly not or she would not have dared
put herself on the same level as ME and worn a bag identical to the clearly
not so original get up that I bought in London. That bag was my pride and
joy and now it has so been devalued. As SHE swaggered her fat ass around my
shop with her curled lip and greashen 2000 hair she swung her bag around
thinking she was Victoria Beckham, only fatter uglier and gobbier. Yes it’s
possible. Not only did she have the ordacity to think she could pull off MY
bag but she didn’t even have the decency to wear it correctly. Shoulder
straps are for maximum shoulder comfort you Aberdonian trashy bitch. I was
mad, still am. Not that I think I am the coolest person in Aberdeen but I
am certainly a lot fucking cooler that this nob who thought she was in
London Fashion week, despite her face like an arse being to the contrary.
Oh to be so perfect.

So, today was supposed to be a day of ‘niceness’. I was to carry out one
satisfying task (and sex toys were out of the question) to make me feel all
warm and glowy (sex toys still out of the question). I almost failed but as
I am only talking in positive affirmations, I almost passed. A girl had
printer problems and was stood there for 40 minutes trying to loosen the
paper drawer. Had she just been trying to loosen her drawers I would have
lent her a finger or a fist much sooner. Normally I would have continued to
watch her struggle and grow redder but I turned to her and let her beg me
for help. I couldn’t help her. And so I passed her onto the good man that
is Straight Man A who eased all drawers and left all parties satisfied.
That was my good deed for the day. She was real pretty mind you. Would I
have been so willing to adjust her drawers had she been Cruella de Ville
turned inside out? Yes. And so I go to bed to ponder happy thoughts and
wonder why the fuck no one told me unitl now that Giles from Buffy opened
our new Forbidden Planet shop. I would have been on the first plane home
from London baby. London, I miss that place. sigh

Listening to: Shit TV

Today’s Likes

Party time on Thursday
Excitement at Britney film
Surprise calls, again
Spring onions

Today’s Dislikes

No phone credit
Chewed mouth feeling
Humphy backs, I have one
9am Classes
24 hours til party time