Love spells. Do they work? Personally I think not and if I had any faith in them whatsoever I would carry out every single one ever created and make up my own to boot. Actually once I did try one and now that I think about it, coincidentally or not, it did in fact work. I was desperate. I was seeing someone and there was a third person really getting in my way so instead of yelling at the bitch and giving her a good fisting (in all possible ways imagined) I decided to stick some keys water and chant some words at the turn of midnight under a not completely full moon and ‘freeze her out’. It worked, it really did. I never heard about this girl again and I can’t even remember who she was. So maybe there is something to be said. Although I guess if I believed in it full heartedly I would be out buying exotic flowers and burying things and skipping about naked. Actually hold that though, no please don’t. That thought is enough to put any firm believer off partaking in witchcraft. Once there was this bird who wasn’t exactly in my life but she desperately wanted to be in my pants and bra and everything else and I heard that she was partial to moe than the odd love spell. Apparently she put them on me but unless I black out stuff that’s so repulsive it could only be a nightmare then it definitely did not work. Someone else I know fucked her stupid and then blamed being under a love spell. Their shagging was vicious and painful with a great deal of PVC, wood, chains and yelling. Now where’s the love in that? Good excuse though. ‘I didn’t mean to cheat on you, I was under a spell’. It gets me almost as much as the drunk excuse. I guess ample lager is the best way to ensure you get the hot ladies who wouldn’t look at you normally. Many straight girls are selfish, however. They think it’s ok for them to snog/fuck lesbians and then be all like ‘back off bitch or I’ll get my boyfriend on you. I do have one you know’. And that’s after they’ve begged you to shag them so they can see what it’s like to taste minge that’s not their own, for the 18th time. They expect you just to be waiting because they think they are doing you a favour. But that’s not all straight girls. Usually they are so much better looking than lesbians so I am open to letting any of them experiment on me, as many times as they want. Who cares that they go home to ‘dick’ later on? Nope, all I want is a snog. I am yabbering about love spells because I watched an episode of Buffy where all the hot girls were chasing one usually nerdy Xander. Miss Muffy/Buffy is crackin’ onto Xander ‘threatening’ to open her lil rain coat and show him her goods and he’s all like ‘Oh no, you can’t do that. It’s all wrong’. I mean hello?? Given that opportunity I would take full advantage of someone as foxy as Buffy. I aint saying I’d bend her over and shove a dildo up her ass or anything. In fact I wouldn’t even touch her cos I think it really would be illegal but what harm can one flash do? One sneaky peaky? I certainly would. It’s like drunk girls who get their tits out, I really am gonna look because where else am I gonna get that opportunity? Ok I can check out my porno collection but there really aint nothing as good as the real thing. If all playing parties are sober and for some reason breasts come out then it’s embarrassment all round for me. And blushes will not let me blatently oogle but I can glimpse and ensure that my photographic memory takes a good picture. It’s another story when you are going out with someone and they are the random breast flashers who astound fellow gays and straight men with their tits. What’s that about? I don’t share easily. I knew a girl like that once. She used to hang out of car windows and get her tits out to a bunch of jeering males cos she thought they’d accept her as a lesbian if she gave them something to wank off to. Self esteem issues? Very much so.
So today all I have done is watch Buffy. And today’s favourire character is Cordelia for her LA girl esque one liners and of course the Buffster for looking so hot and broody as she depresses everyone by crying over Angel. I have watched these episodes at least a dozen times each and I still feel a little tear when Angel goes bad. It’s very sad I know. Actually for one part of the day I did get out of my bed to pick up the remote that my dog knocked off the bed. I was gonna go out and do things so I could at least have something interesting to write in my weblog about but the thought of getting on public transport with this hair was not one I openly entertained. While I was sad and stayed in all Saturday night, at least I did not spend it on my own with a face mask on watching Elton John, eh J. Bo? Tomorrow is university however and I really will go. I have managed to avoid all uni and most work since arriving back in this bog of crap. Think I am doing pretty well but to continue for another week would be utterly sad and it is likely my legs will cease up from the amount of lying horizontal they have been doin the past few days. And so I return to bed.
Listening to: Bob and Rose soundtrack…
Pink sparkley nails
Quiche, of the roasted vegetable variety
Glitter doing its best to hide my crows feet
Sitting next to pubes on the bus
People who moan bout skitters