Diary of a Glitter Splashed Britney Lovin' Lesbo

I am a 25 year old butcheyfemme queer with rubbish on my mind and sparkles everywhere else

Name:Miss Fee


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Currently Reading:

The Outsider - A Camus

Choke - C Palahnuik


Tuesday, March 12

My life is about as exciting as lesbian bed death. Yesterday I made the walk into town with the best intentions of showing off my fab new clothes at university. I made it as far as Costa where I met my friend for Peppermint Tea and decided that Monday was not a day for university, it just wasn’t for me that day so I came home again. Actually it wasn’t simply that I am a lazy arse, which is also true, but the tired haze I was walking around in was making me think unclearly. Well the tired haze amongst other things but let’s not go into that. I envisioned an early night, of the 9pm hour but was too wired after beans and brown sauce to contemplate bed until at least 10.15pm. Needless to say today I am equally tired, if not more so. I mean, I am sure I have eyes on this face somewhere but amongst all the puff I can’t seem to lay my hands on them. So am as good as typing blind. Today I will venture into uni. I have to play my ‘fame game’ with Straight Man A. From what we can gather, this is a game similar to fantasy football league which I have no clue or desire to know about, run by The Sun newspaper (no, we do not read this, it was just brought to our attention) so as our celeb obsessed other flatmates who can no longer be classed as that, entered, we felt we needed to get in there and whip their asses basically. The flatmates adored the most turdy programme in history, Footballers’ Wives and have christened their team accordingly. Myself and Straight Man A called our team Footballers Wives Suck [everything]. We are gonna kick their asses. Obviously I am going to uni to broaden my publishing knowledge also…

Because I can no longer astound my readers with my London escapades I will today spoil you with my top 5 lesbian snogs. These are based on TV and Film and not my real life as I do not have the momentum to discuss the multitude of slivers that have dribbled down my chin or the amount of motionless tongues that have rested in my massive gob.

These are in reverse order and while I am sure there are many many more, these are all that come to mind as I type.

6 Helen and Nicki from Badgirls – their snogs have been in abundance but I liked the 1st one best, in Nicki’s cell… oh naughty

5.The entire ‘Gia’ film, with Angelina Jolie who could snog anything and look good, best when she’s snoggin me tho

4. Beth and Margaret form Brookside, an oldie but a goldie which spawned a 3 year Anna Friel obsession

3. At Home With the Braithwaites – Virginia and the older neighbour bird to the soundtrack of William Orbit, very nice

2. If These Walls Could Talk 2 – Michelle Williams & Chloe Sevigny (as a hot butch, yes really) to the soundtrack of ‘Lean on Me’ by Bill Withers

1.CRUEL INTENTIONS – Sarah Michelle Geller & Selma Blair – very hot tongue and slight sliver action to the soundtrack of Blur Coffee & TV. Heaven

Ok, as lesbians are as trendy as malboro lights and smokers’ hats they are everywhere at the moment. Not that I’m one to complain about opening up papers to find hot girls making out or anything. I do appreciate what they are trying to do for me and I know they aint gay for keeps, just so they can ‘try it’, just once, or maybe 5 or 6 times. Any publicity is good, and what better way to get yourself noticed than by slipping your female co stars the tongue? I know that when I become a Hollywood actress that I will be taking every opportunity to lick the various lips of all my leading ladies. Loads of dykes get all riled by famousstraight people going thru phases and kissing girlies when it appeals to them as much as snorting cheese but I say right on girls, you go for the girl on girl action. If it does nothing for them, that’s no problem. I aint asking them to enjoy it, just to do it and smile sweetly or provocatively and pretend they are having the best time since they rode their first Hollywood stud, horse or otherwise. Surely it can’t be a bad thing to not have only pictures of Ellen and her bird of the moment to drool over? So the more hot girlies snogging the better. Britney snogs me but I’m the only girl for her and she wont do pictures. I have tried. I will say that there is one actress who really should stay away from lady lip locking, Jennifer Aniston. As beautiful as she is, she snogs girls as badly as most people chew gum. Here’s the evidence: Exhibit 1: Episode of Friends when she ‘snogged’ Winona Ryder. This was not more than a rolling of heads with open eyes and no pleasure for anyone involved. Exhibit 2: ‘Snogging’ a woman who was a man played by a woman (confused?). This snog was similar to exhibit 1, no tongue, just fear. She wasn’t even thinking of Brad. She was clearly thinking of her wrongly inserted tampon that was causing her discomfort. That’s what her facial expression said anyway. I’d imagine that as she is going out with Mr Pitt that she cannot surely kiss like that all the time? Imagine that grimace sucking your cock. How very pleasureable.

And so I will leave you as I go ponder over the delights of famous chicks snogging [me] and doing the other bad things that sometimes go with snogging (drinking beer and eating bad crisps).

Listening To: Bjork Debut

Today’s Likes

Chattin on the phone to friends for hours
Bulgaria Black
Soft Water
Lonely dancing in your house
Band Candy (episode of Buffy)

Today’s Dislikes

Being Heartbroken :-( (some think I don’t have a heart to break, but I do)
Food (just for this 10 seconds)
Going back to work
People who are always right, even when they know they are not
Random Farters
Chair Dancing