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I am a 25 year old butcheyfemme queer with rubbish on my mind and sparkles everywhere else My Profile
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There are only two places in this whole world where I feel beautiful: Lesbian bars and Finsbury Park. The first is self explanatory, the second is not. My 6 week placement brought me to the world of Finsbury Park. My first impressions were those of fear. These palpatating shit scared feelings still raise their heads after a night (anytime after 6pm is night to me) of drinking in the Finsbury Park area. I was given advanced warning pre my arrival here that the area may seem less than desirable. I was still unprepared. Every paving stone is a council law suit waiting to happen, it is actually impossible to walk in a straight line without tripping over something (usually a tree stump or hole in the ground). And while every second shop is a greasy formica and BSE ridden café and the shops are grossly run down, it was the people that affected me more. Initially I was wary of every last one, not least because I am only one of about 4 white people in the area. I used to walk to my little Mews where my work is situated with my head down, to purposefully avoid all eye contact and to avoid falling over a loose slab. But once I began to cast my eyes skywards I started to notice something. People were staring at me. Now, I have had this problem all my life which has been due to various, generally unpinpointed reasons. One reason was clear, when I was 15/16 I used to flounce around in a bad tyedye and over sized cardies so this caused people to not only stare but jeer aswell. But this was different. I was being ‘checked out’. Repeatedly. Everywhere I turned I made eye contact with an appreciative male. Every wink and every wolf whistle was for me. While this may sound vain, it’s real. If Finsbury Park were a film, I would be the leading lady. I would be the leading lady AND the co stars. In fact fuck it, I would BE the film. And so I developed a change in stance and posture as soon as I stepped off my Victoria line tube. I am beautiful, I do have a slight smug grin, I do walk with my head aloft, I do exude confidence and I defintely do strutt. If only for the 5 minute walk to and from my work. It’s a great feeling though, to be taken notice of like that, to know that people are looking at you and wanting to do things they shouldn’t and to have people raise their eyebrows at you and ask ‘what’s a nice girl like you doin in a place like this’ (that happened to me today actually). I have never had this kind of attention (people usually stare at me to wonder wot the fuck I am wearing or wot the fuck I am listening to) and I intend on making the most of this during my last 3 days of working here. I wish to rejoice in the people of Finsbury Park for all the wanted attention you have bestowed upon me in the past 5 weeks and I will miss your leery looks and pervy smiles greatly. People of Finsbury Park, I salute you.
Britney Wannabe 
3/05/2002 03:59:00 PM
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Adventures of Charmin |
