Diary of a Glitter Splashed Britney Lovin' Lesbo

I am a 25 year old butcheyfemme queer with rubbish on my mind and sparkles everywhere else

Name:Miss Fee


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The Outsider - A Camus

Choke - C Palahnuik


Sunday, April 28

Considering how much alcohol I didn’t drink last night I feel pretty rough today. Young B decided to grace Aberdeen with her presence for one last night, feeling Banff and Glasgow interested her not. Yes really. And so on a budget of zero cash we headed out at 7pm with myself completely not dressed for the occasion which led me to contemplate leaving my winter coat for the comfort of a homeless person.. My huge fur hood did come in handy when Beautiful Boy got chilly and wanted to create some little red riding hood look. He looked more like Chewbacca but that’s beside the point. Vodka Bar/Siberia was our first stop where we met a young Queen of Fun who were I to talk about in the future would be called Queen of Stories. She was looking very tanned, bronzing balls I’m led to believe, she takes after her sister in far too many ways. A lack of seating made the decision to leave easier, after Luscious L (gay lord numero ono) got to snog a bride who thought that he, swinging around his leather tassel belt and wearing gold shoes, was straight. Yeah. We moved on to the Hogshead which has apparently been refitted. ‘What a difference’exclaimed Luscious L like a big ol dad who gets a bit too excited over a splash of paint. And so, leaving this bar I had consumed 2 pints and 2 alcopops and was drunk enough to know that I would be throwing up later. The most disturbing incident of the evening was the massive bogey that was resting on the side of the ashtray when I came back from the toilet. No one owned up to this but I have narrowed it down to 2. I will not shame them with revealing their Beautifully Luscious names. Castros was having a theme night, shorts and shades. The only participants were the bar staff who showed off many a pubic bone and big nobs. Oh there was a skinny poof in what appeared to be a red and orange football strip. I really hope he got in free. Because of this ‘theme’ there was a beach ball being thrown around the 2ft sq dance floor. Yeah cos there’s room for that kinda malarky. Anyway, so I’m dancing around quite happily with my buds when this beach ball comes flying at me full force and smacks the side of face, sending me flying. This was a deliberate hit and yes, I know who it was that made me awake with a blotchey face today. Mate? No, I do not think so. You did get my attention so ten out of ten for originality, hello I will disfigure you please talk to me. If I wanted balls on my face I’d be straight for gods sake. I was mad. I thought I might even throw my first punch at the mother fucker but decided I was better than them and so will seek my revenge another day and that’s a promise. Luscious L was the comedy act on more than 8 occasions. You can always guarantee a laugh outta this one. He started pulling off skateboarding tricks, of course without the skateboard and then decided to astound everyone, himself included, with his lack of breakdancing skills. So he’s getting down, getting funky and then he’s lying on the floor, legs in the air yelling ‘spin my legs, spin my legs’. And of course no one does so he’s lying there like a dead insect laughing his ass off for a good five minutes before he realise the music has stopped and he has an audience of 45. That boy. I danced a bit more this week. Clearly Bev was slightly more familiar with her surroundings and even joined in. We tore up the floor to sugarbabes and of course, shakira and dannii. Fun and little alcohol was had but my spew was blue and lumpy if anyone is interested.