|
I am a 25 year old butcheyfemme queer with rubbish on my mind and sparkles everywhere else My Profile
|
Kids make me nervous. In this instance I’m not talking about the 16 year olds with piercings bigger than their faces who hurl abuse at me. They are another story completely. Today I’m talking about full fledged children of the under 6 variety. One sat next to me on the bus yesterday, despite there being 46 (I counted) other available seats and his mother sat at the front, a good mile away. The kid had the best case of hyperactivity I’ve ever seen and was slurping and dribbling its way through full sugar coke, getting more and more high pitched as the journey progressed. I call it ‘it’ because its gender was unclear. It had a bowl cut and answered to the name ‘Jamie’. You see the predicament? The ones that get on my bus tend to be of the jobbie nappy type, despite them being about 5 years old. This particular kid sat and farted its way through the 15 minute journey and tried to speak to me in kid language (‘Why have you got metal in your face?’ ‘I need a poop’, etc). I thought I was gonna have to stay on the bus until it went round twice for fear of this kid thinking it was funny not to let ol ‘metal face’ off the bus. I slunk into the corner as far as I could but it kept coming closer and touching my shaking shoulder. It’s bogey nose was getting leakier by the second and I had images of its jam filled hands tugging out all my earrings in the name of kid curiosity. Kids get away with everything. Sure they don’t know any better but I’m sure the parents should. I don’t think I will be having kids. I’ve hated them with a passion since I was one myself. I have met approximately one child who I actually like, she’s pink and non bogeyish. I went through a phase about a month ago when I decided I wanted one of my own. Why I would want something that I so intensely dislike I do not know. I think I would be a crap mum though so there is no point. I’d be an alcoholic before it even popped out of my fanny with the stress. Kids seems to bring no one joy. Maybe I was a real bad kid and that’s why I hate them. Perhaps ‘hate’ is a bit harsh but really I don’t understand them. I know they have a purpose but if I never saw another one it’d be too soon. Actually, there are two other kids I like. Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen. You know the lil American twins fom TV? I’m quite sure this is a different kinda like though. I worried about my American twin fascination long enough to not tell anyone for one whole day. Is 15 too young? I mean they sure as hell don’t look 15 (16 now I believe). I mean they don’t wear tracksuits, smoke badly and have relaxed perms. These are class A hot ladies. I was gutted to hear that they did a live chat on aol on Monday. I had it all worked out. It was on 5pm US time so I figured that would be around 1am our time. I was gonna go to the Muff Club, drink my self dead with 3 pints, come home and go online and chat to my honeys. J Bo and Mad ensured I missed this. I was quite upset. I found the dolls though. Thing with twins is that I can’t remember which one I fancy. In real life one is hotter than the other but in doll form the other looks cuter. Fuck, is it possible to fancy a doll? Now I think I have a problem.
I have two essays due in next Tuesday. That’s two 2,500 word essays which involves actual research (or maybe attending class would have sufficed) and actual writing. I am fucked. I have not started either of these. My motivation sucks. Playing on the internet seems far more appealing and far less likely to get me my degree. I think I have successfully completed Day 1 of my Mind Detox. I’m a smiling wreck. My already visible laughter lines are now craters. Must stop being friendly. Stage 2 of the detox is finding some ‘me time’. My life is ‘me time’. Being the self-absorbed asshole that I am, I am going to relish this task. It only has to be half an hour and this can include watching TV or reading or something else that is mindless. I wanted to use it as an excuse (like I really need one) to watch hours of Buffy but it has to be something you don’t partake in daily. I think my me time today will be doing my nails. It’s been ages since I did and they are all skanky, chewed and nail varnish-less. I hate gross nails and I’m going to embrace this task with open everything. Listening to: Michael Jackson: HIStory Today’s Likes Straight Man A’s weblog (he’s the cutest) 12 hours sleep Digestives People who smell worse than I do Tea Tree Today’s Dislikes Smellin like day old vomit Long toe nails Uni work that there is no time to do Un pretty bruises Sore arse muscles Britney Wannabe 
4/10/2002 12:46:00 PM
|
Adventures of Charmin |
