After being awoken from non sleep at 8.30am I was given tea in bed and then I made my way back into town to face the shower. It was a beautiful day. Queen of Fun and I were both knackered but relishing the sun, well the Queen was, we decided to make the most of the day and head parkward. So it was off for the 3 mile hike to Hazlehead to be greeted by thousands of people with the same idea although weraring much less clothes than us fully clad lesbians. We wandered till I could take the blisters in my fat feet no more and the fear of gammy legs made me demand a seat in the moist grass. It took us about 20 minutes and 8 cirlces before the Queen was finally satisfied that we were in a secluded yet sunny part of the park where she could spread herself out without the worry of footballs flying toward her pale heyfevery face. Actually I think she was trying to seduce me, well that's my story and I'm sticking to it at least. We took up our seat on the grass with the Queen lying herself out like a picnic rug, evenly and full of crumbs (don't ask). I contemplated lying back on the grass myself but got half way back and realised that if I went any further then I would have no chance in hell of ever getting up again. I'm not good at doing nothing. The Queen lay back and farted herself off to sleep while I fidgeted with everything in sight and even had to play phone games for a good 10 minutes. It was painful. There were no daisies for chains and no material to read. There were kids dripping with ice cream and slush puppies and dogs dripping with balls and sweat. There were men with furry chests and ladies with high heeled sandals, fat feet and ankles spilling over the tight straps. Or maybe it was the other way around. It was 'shim' central afterall. We had selected a spot with vast amounts of room for gymnastics but I knew that if I were to go for a cartwheel, my arms would not be able to take my body weight. To be fair, that's a lot of weight to take. My legs can barely handle it. And so eventually I decided just to lie face down with my double sized arse in the air which blocked out most of the Queen's sun, and wonder why I find sun and nature in general so hard to appreciate. Such a pretty day should have inspired me to try and write some literary masterpiece or draw a pretty picture or at least to get my shorts on but no, here I was twiddling my thumbs and the edge of the Queen's shorts to the soundtrack of the Queen snorin' like a drunken pig. I also think I may have sunstroke. That 20 miniutes in the sun, with the only bit of showing skin being my face, has made me dizzy, delirious and pretty sick. It's true yes it is. Mind you the Queen came away with some major sunburn to give the impression of major applications of Pat Butcher like blusher. Bless her and her little red face, looking like a new romantic from the eighties. Let's hope for some peeling skin tomorrow. We were chatting about going on holiday later on in the summer. Ibiza, Tenerife and Magaluf have been mentioned. I recommended Iceland. While I appreciate a fine day, sun and me do not mix well at all. Mainly cause it' real sweaty and my inability to wear shorts and vests make for a very moist and stinkin' Fee. Just as well the sole purpose of any holiday I go on is not to pull cos I would not have much chance of that smellin like I do, like a barbecued cow turd. The term beached whale is sounding very fitting also. Anyway, back to our day in the park. I have a feeling, a very nasty one at that, that 'blue jeans arse' is becoming a trend. It's either that or people know who I am and are tormenting me hideously. These mega bums were everywhere I turned and are extending themselves into different colours of jeans (white and black being the most popular). I just don't know what to do about it. I can't possibly tell everyone I meet sporting a pair that their ass is elephant sized and that they should sort it out. I just don't have enough time to pull that off I'm afraid. I saw a massive fanny also, but only one. It was in beige trousers that were surely nipple warmers. Observations over and we have almost the whole park to ourselves and we make the walk home. We did well, we got half way and I could take the blister in foot pain no more but was forcing myself to endure the agony as otherwise I would be walking with a left hobble. I would rather walk on skinless feet that have a limp. The evening itself was uneventful but I did take a walk to safeways for cheese slices after having eaten about 12 the previous night, along with cold potatoes (hopefully cooked) in my munchy 'i will eat anything' state. Divine. I only purchased low fat dairy lea and cottage cheese after discovering just how much fat there is per cheese slice. Shite, I deserve to be at least 22 stone.