I’m suffering from various things at the moment, some good and some shit. The biggest shit component is the severe lack of funds I have right now. It’s summer, I have another 4 months away from uni (that’s providing I am allowed to return), I want to do fun things, cause a bit of mischief but I have like zero cash with which to perform this feat. What’s a girl to do? The options are exceedingly limited and I’m getting desperate. I mean, even the slut option is a non starter cause let’s face it I would need to pay people to have sex with me and even then it wouldn’t happen. I tried dressing my lack of sex up as being ‘frigid bridget’ and then even celibacy as I was choosing to abstain from the naughty but really when I look at it it’s cause no one is willing to lend a hand, or even a finger. So, whoredom is a no go. As a less sleazey option I even tried selling stuff on amazon but come on, who the hell would want to buy my cast offs that consist of Pet Shop Boys and other such shit delights? I managed to sell a couple of items but even a simple task such as putting videos/cds in envelopes proved too much for The Fee who can’t even find the videos that people are willing to take off my over used gay hands. And then I hit on a sure fire way of earning big bucks, with an idea taken from mr trashwhore who jerked off in a tub for twenty quid or summit. No, I aint gonna bash away for a fiver cause what good is lesbo juice to anyone but I thought I might try and sell my eggs. I have no idea what these eggs are for, I only know that they involve babies so I will not be requiring the use of my eggs, ever. They would just be sitting there all useless while some stupid fucker is dying for a brat so I thought I could pop out a couple and get some bucks for being so generous and adding another fuck to the world. Simple. Or so I thought. After looking into this procedure which would involve a minor operation (oh I love a good scar) and possibly forceps(oh nasty) I discovered that there is risk to the donor becoming pregnant. Holy fuck. Imagine that? Me, a mother? Jesus, that’s like child abuse before I have even squeezed it out. Zero tolerance, do not allow The Fee to breed. It’s well known I have small children issues so what the hell would I do if suddenly out of nowhere, the Virgin Fee had a baby? My mother would be pretty fuckin’ happy that’s for sure. I mean I probably wouldn’t even notice I was pregnant cause of my fluctuating weight problems which I love so dearly so it would be possible that one day I would be sat on the bus doing what I do on buses and then there’s pain and then there’s screamin’ ugly child with a blood toupee. What’s that’s all about? Not that I’ve thought about it or anything but if I had a small child of my very own to bully and intimidate I would call it Brenda or Irene and change my name to Lopez cause that’s pretty fuckin’ cruel huh? “Hi I’m Irene Lopez fae Aberdeen, how exotic am I?” Oh let’s say ‘very’. I do see one plus side to being up the duff however… Imagine how much I could get away with eating without the usual comments of ‘fat bastard’ being hurled in my face. I could eat all sorts of weird and wonderful combination of food (gerkin and peanut butter, ice cream and ketchup, love juice and chips) and call it a ‘craving’. My eating habits for once would be regarded as not unusual and would no longer cause people to leave restaurants or kitchens as soon as I get the salad cream and strawberries out. Oh am thinking of all the food possibilities that I have been forced to give up due to being too gross for words and I relish every single one of them. Oh to be pregnant. I could abort the kid after a few months cause that’s still a good 3 months of over eating anything and everything or even better, I could just pretend to be pregnant to fulfil my every food desire. Off I go to donate an egg or three. Fuck the money I want a baby.
Listening to: Moby – 18
Tuna and sweetcorn
Getting over the past
Stupid nails like stubs
Hmmmm…. No more negatives for today