Diary of a Glitter Splashed Britney Lovin' Lesbo

I am a 25 year old butcheyfemme queer with rubbish on my mind and sparkles everywhere else

Name:Miss Fee


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Currently Reading:

The Outsider - A Camus

Choke - C Palahnuik


Thursday, May 2

Quote of the day: "Is that a tattoo on your arm?" My mum referring to my Barbie plaster. Yes.

I got up this morning to my daily routine of flashdance which even mummy fee joined in with and contemplated some brain food. That was until some fuckin stupid song came over the radio which made me remember stuff I really didn't want to remember today. I walked into town feeling awake and prepared for failure and fail I did. There's always the resists and now there's the pub. I'm heading off there soon for my pints of hooch but being the compulsive that I am I had to make a small entry (that's what Paulo said...). I just also wanted to mention a girl with extra large thighs wearing cream tapered combats. It's true, I saw it with my own glass eyes this morning. It did, however, remind me why I myself do not wear cream. So at least I have something good to say about her, she makes me realise that I should never do light colours so thank you big thighed girl. Something else I noticed yesterday. I have a gammy eye. yes that's right people, I, Fee the detester of all such ailments, has a squint. Well it's more like one pupil considerably larger than the other thus giving the impression of cock eyedness. One eye goes to the shop, the other waits around the corner. Why has this happened to me and please god, will you take it away? I will never utter a gammy eyed slaggin ever again. Something else I noticed about my not so good self yesterday was that I had on ladies aerobics trainers. I'm away to slip out the door in pursuit of rain and work and red tee shirts when my mother takes one look at my customised canvas dunlops and tells me 'there's no way i'm going out in them' and i realise she's right, not for fear of wet feet but for fear of the felt pen running off and leaving me with just regular dunlops. I have no shoes that are not canvas or mules and so I was forced to squeeze my feet into my mum's saga aerobics shoes. Well ok, they weren't actually my mum's and these shoes, which were in fact mine, made any shoes my mum could wear look like the height of fashion. In london i was on a mission to find sparkley shoes. I bought a Buffalo pair, usually very cool brand which were white (yes, bright whites, i must be straight) with a pink flash of glitter. They looked so beautiful in the shop, on display in a small size 4 and they also looked real hot on the 16 year old petite shop assistant so I took them home and have been mocked ever since. They are the only 'leather' pair of shoes I own and so had to wear them in my work for 3 whole hours. That's 3 whole hours of shoe torture where I felt like I really should have had my step aerobics on the go with weights round my chubby ankles and breaking into a constant sweat. I couldn't even observe people and make comment on their ugly shoes because mine were by far the worst and so I hung my head in shame but I even had to stop that as looking down only reminded my of the hideous fashion mistake I once made.

As a final comment I will tell you that today I followed a nice bum on short legs down the road. This was taking the piss out of petiteness, it really was, but the ass was hot.

Oh no, one more thing before I nip off for alcopop refreshment, J Bo wants a mention. Look J Bo, if you want more mention than this you will have to do something of interest, to make me want to astound my readers with. For instance, you could smack a beachball off my face and leave me with a bruise and then pretend you are my best bud, oh sorry I looked in the mirror at my diminishing imprint and was reminded of that fucker from Saturday night. But please J Bo, let's have another J Bo party complete with fishyes and chesney hawkes and then I really will have something to talk about. Or you could just snog me. Choice is yours.