And so the wanderer returns. I have wandered not very far and not for very long but wander I did. I have had 5 days in succession off and it’s quite a bad thought to be returning to work this evening. I have divulged all the non juicy details of my weekend which despite being gossipless was much much fun and so I will give you not quite a run down but some info on the past two days. Monday was the Jubilee as Tuesday possibly was. I had 2 days off. The events were not related, I always have Monday off and I got Tuesday as a holiday because I needed one, or wanted one at least. Monday was spent hanging with Straight Man A (who is now also known as Super Stud Who Is Pleasing To All) and avoiding my favourite bar because of non favourite people who had taken up residence in it all day. Chips and cheese were out in force and have signified the beginning of my compulsive over eating phase. Fucker. Feeling the need for a bit of class in our lives (with me in tow clearly the chances of this are pretty damn slim) we headed to Chi, a kinda classy comfy-chaired minimalist straight bar where the gays out numbered the straights. I’d say at least 3 gay bar staff out of the 4, plus me and plus the lesbian porn show in the corner brought the numbers up to about 6 while there were only 4 whole straights. That felt kinda good but it didn’t feel so good to have the view of the ‘are they or aren’t they’ lesbians who decided to prove they were by groping all manners of fanny while looking ‘seductively’ into my bespectacled eyes. There were 4 of them, all foreign, all femme but all kinda rottenly dressed with their foreign get ups and spammed hair dos. I hung out til Lil Red finished work and we went for a jaunt in the country. The bus was full of typical bams who growled at me and my lesbianness throughout the whole journey as they wondered why a gay was sitting on ‘their’ bus with a non lesbo lookin’ chick. We arrived in Cruden Bay which sounds kinda exotic to a city girl, around 7pm and of course the first thing that was done was head for the fridge. You know me and my fridge fascination right?? This was a beautiful fridge with all sorts of delights including the biggest pizza in the world which I would have easily scoffed all on my own. After getting a bit too excited at flicking through hundreds of channels and watching soundless big brother (how annoying is that btw, watching Big Brother Live and they keep cutting the sound so all you hear is the not so sweet sound of tweety birds? Oh let’s try ‘very’) we decided to head beach wards with a bottle of chilled wine and unsensible shoes which I knew would get fucked as soon as I stepped onto the sand. Just as well they weren’t mine. We hung on the beach for a while but it got kinda eerie and my paranoia sent us home for more music channels and Jackass. The next day was spent getting too much fresh air and hanging around Slains Castle (the original as opposed to the pub) which was kinda cool but kinda scary with some real darkened bits which nobody I knew would ever dare step into. I do hang out with wooseys and pussys though. There was more beach and more food to be had and a swell time was had by all and the over powering sun left Lil Red with her oh so fair skin with slight sun stroke, yes really. I got a nice tan line (a real one as opposed to a skid) down one side of my face and came home covered in sand, beasts and wine stains. Beautiful Boy called, twatted out of his head and wanted the lesbos to come meet him and walk him home. Really he wanted us to come drinking with him but Lil Red’s sun stroke was too much to bear so the best we could offer him was a walk to the bus stop. And that was my weekend, lots of sand, some drink and plenty of sleep. It’s all good and I’m all that.