‘Gay Pride’ is coming to Aberdeen. Or rather a mini bus painted pink and containing 3 drag queens is set to grace the shallow minded city of Aberdeen this coming Sunday. I haven’t worked out what it is all about and I don’t know if a city so full of shell suits and simple minded people is ready for the splendour of outrageous men in skirts with more make up than a circus troupe. As far as I’m aware it’s the first real gay event of such a capacity (at least 50 people are expected to attend you know) to take place here up north in the non gay capital of Britain. All I know is something will be taking place in the Duthie Park, land of all things cottaging but I don't think the two are related. I don’t know if there will be any marching or a musical extravaganza but I’m guessing not and therefore does such an event qualify as ‘Gay Pride’ as it was termed in the local newspaper? Clearly it’s not an occasion that the city is proud of as there has been no advertising barr a brief 10 lines in the paper today therefore diminishing the whole ‘pride’ part of ‘gay pride’. Is it simply an excuse for drag queens to spoil us lowly Aberdonians with their wicked tongues and vile dress sense? Probably but at least it’s a step forward and I really shouldn’t criticise people who can wear make up better than I do. It’s jealousy really cos everyone knows how well I would suit green eyeshadow pasted all the way up to my hair line with over accentuated lips (facial for once) to match. I really want to go witness this momentous occasion to see if any bams in tapered jeans and brown boots throw things at us queers and jeer at the freak show but sadly I have other plans, such as boiling my pants and eating the contents of someone else’s fridge. Actually I am working and while it is a shame there will be no gays in my work for me to send out my gaydar to cos they will all be busy doing gay pride, I’m sure aberdeen’s version of something glittery and bent will survive the long blustery day without Miss Fee. I seem bitter and sceptical about the whole thing and maybe that’s cause I am. I am not the kinda lesbo who gets her gay flags out daily and shaves her head to prove a point but I do love a bit of gayness, a bit of pride in who I am. But, living here, in Aberdeen I wonder what’s the point in trying to educate people in the ways of the gay cause way too many people are bigoted as hell and that’s hardly surprising when you get fellow gays like my good self slagging off everything even slightly curved about the city. I don’t suppose I help our gay crusade any by bad mouthing what we do have but hey, is anyone ever happy? As everyone else will know, Aberdeen now has what almost constitutes as a gay scene. Instead of one over heated club there are now two as well as a members only bar featuring dark rooms and other such sleaze which there aint much need for. With the positioning of the new gay bar, slap bang in the middle of bam world, we are finally getting integrated into society. The only problem being that too many straights are wandering into said bar and taking over the dance floor that you can actually extend your arms out on. But it's certainly about time Aberdeen got on track with places like Dundee who are much tinier but have an actual gay scene. People are even coming from Edinburgh and Glasgow to check out the unbelieveable event of The Deen housing 3 gay places to go girate their miniscule asses and shake their pruned mohawks in. It's kinda nice that the place is big enough to hide from those people who have hassled you since you came out or from those who try way too hard to get into you room for 3 pants when they have as much chance on that front as I do with sneaking a hug from Britney. As time is a ticking and I'm a not working I will leave my disjointed rant about the Aberdeen fuckers in Burberry who torment me so and the sort of expanding homo scene of Aberdeen till later. There will be further tales from 'OUT' not too far off in the future, possibly around 5pm this evening where I will divulge the toilet secrets of many a clubbing lesbian. Not to be missed.
Eating: My own flabby arm