Today I feel and look like a 1984 slasher movie victim complete with back combed hair and mutilated body. The cause of such unprettyness is two days of fannying around in too small kids toys, playing football as though I had a brown boot and lots of alcohol and some sun. Tuesday was the first of our day trips and public transport took us as far as Crathes Castle. There was myself, Lil Red and Straight Man A who also had nothing better to do than tour the grounds of a castle and be all touristy and spend a fortune on the bus fare. Yeah sure, like I walked around in pedal pushers sporting massive sunnies with a camera round my neck and speaking in a stupid language that no one else understands. Actually, aside from the pedal pushers that's pretty acurate. My language was the delicate language of Gaelic (and example of a gaelic sentence: "Ishkin mal Gaelic s Dotta Man icken ouken Tescos" which is translated as " the only Gaelic Programme is Dotta Man and we like Tescos) Our first stop was the tourist shop where we were tempted by fine whisky which would have been ideal to guzzle in the park and expensive chocolate which came in all shapes of birds and other such wildlife. All we came away with was funny looks from the multiple old folks who were suspicious of why 3 young, kinda cool folks would be hanging out in a National Trust Shop looking to buy pencils and rubbers for 2 hours and in that time only purchasing a mini kite and some hideous bouncy ball which housed an ugly plastic model of a duck. We also had the unfortunate experience of sampling the toilets which had sat way too many old folks and people with poopy asses who had left more than their mark to demonstrate this. Because the main thing in my life is food and having no other place to get any, we had to sit an an actual tea room where old ladies glowered at the 'care in the community' waitresses when they didnt get enough cream in their scones and poofs in roll necks who sipped tea like their grannies they had taken out for the day. It was fair to say we were the coolest people in their. I'd be worried if we weren't. Once food was done puked back up (dicky salmon) it was adventure playtime. We chose our day well with not a kid being in sight so we had the entire place to ourselves, aerial slide an all. Much fun was had on spinning things and firemen's poles (the only time I will ever say that) and much mud was to be gained as too many people (ie more than 1) tried to pile on the aerial slide above the sodden dubby area. I did get some nice photos, all of which I'm sure will not come out as I did get a bit snappy happy with the 'timer' as I tried to make the sprint back to my position so I'm quite sure it will be bellies and chins all round. I awoke the following day with pains in places that should never pain and vowed never to wrap my legs around anything that involved chains and rust so tightly again. Being a bit sweaty and of course, unfit, we opted for the shortest forest walk there was so we could check out the scenery and be at one with nature. Or more like so we could get some shade and frolick not naked and finish the spool. I lost the ball to a ditch and got stung repeatedly trying to retrieve my duck delight and the only thing left to do was for Lil Red to take off with her miniture kite. With a lack of wind it was quite a humourous sight to see Lil Red running down the hill with a kite so small it would have fit in my pocket dragging behind her and with her eventually doing a skid (not of the poopy variety) and flying further than the kite as she landed face first in muddy dubs. Nice. And so our day of foreign disapproving old folks (have you noticed how all old people do a funny rolling eye thing when their tea is slightly cold or their husband is not slurping enough? It's very disturbing) and unfit running around in mud was over and I had no option but to head workwards adn play on my upset stomach that would definitely keep me off work the following day.