After a sneaky, subdued and good Thursday evening, Friday was party time. A spontaneous drunken conversation with Lil Red, Straight Man A and Beautiful Boy on Wednesday had us all sat on a 3 ½ hour bus trip to Glasgow on Friday night. We relived our aged 15 days and drank vodka from coke bottles which was as good as drinking nail polish remover. The extra long journey was fag and toilet less and there was much relief all round when we finally disembarked our pishy smelling bus all those hours later. We all piled into one room at the Travel Inn and were not more than 4 minutes in the door when it was time to leave and shake up the clubs of Glasgow. We had a drink in Delmonica’s where they played far too many dancing tunes so we could contain our chair dancing no longer and had to go for full body dancing in the Polo Lounge, a pretty club with a large dancefloor which would accommodate The Fee’s ass nicely without too much discomfort. There were too many good dances to remember them all but there was lots of Kylie and Miss E so all was good. It neared 3am and we convinced ourselves we had another good hour of dancing, only for the last song of the night to be ‘Love is in the Air’ which brought back too many new year flashbacks and the lights went up. There’s nothing worse than being all wound up for an extra hours dancing only to have it taken away so cruelly by Love is In the Air. The night, however, was far from over. We crossed the road to find shelter from the downpour but sadly all door ways were already in use for this reason and others not worth mentioning. And then I really did find the biggest box in history. It wasn’t quite my ‘massive fanny’ mission fulfilled but this cardboard box we knew would house all of us at once. In we got, too close for comfort and got the camera out. I got my picture taken inside a huge box, I was happy. It didn’t really occur to us that we were on public display, we glanced over the road and the entire clientele of Polo Lounge was stood there staring at our immaturity and we were announced as ‘The Show’. After clambering out of the box with great drunken clumsyness we took ourselves to the nearest food outlet, with my fanny pack being overstuffed with condoms and lube for the boys which left a great trail on the way home so we could find our way back the following day. We snuck our way into the Travel Inn only for BB to have a slight bouncing sausage problem as his smoked sausage made an appearance on at least 4 occasions as it jumped it’s way down the corridor, leaving it’s chippy friends behind on the floor. It wasn’t til we were in the room that we noticed sausage was missing and we opened the door to find it throwing itself against the wall in a hideous fashion reminiscent of a school boy thrusting his nob into an unwilling virgin’s mouth. The sausage was devoured when the laughter died down and to finish off our night we needed to pillow fight. It was 4am in the morning and here we were, semi grown adults throwing pillows and each other around the room till people were bleeding and bashed and unable to move. It was exhilarating and silly and rather painful but too much fun. Things were smashed, food was spilt and bones were broken but all in the name of fun, really it was. Having only one photo left in the spool we had to make it a good one. First off the bed in the pillow fight had to get in the shower, then the second then the third and the fourth one gets to take the photo. There was much debate trying to get everyone down to their underwear but knowing these people had already witnessed the true horror of my ass, I knew I could not put this on them again, not twice in 2 days at least. Boys being boys the pants were out and boy was I glad I didn’t get that jumbo sausage from the chipper because right here, I had 2 of my very own and it was all rather unnerving. But like the self abuser that I am I could not help but look and pain myself in the process, being thankful that I am a lesbian and dick free. Stripey floaty boxers would have been much more preferred so please remember that the next time we go out to get twatted again boys. Who cares that you look like your dad in them. We were only on the bed a matter of minutes before BB had flown off into the wall. Lil Red was close behind and I followed, getting stuck between 2 beds and Straight Man A was declared winner as he was hurled off last into the window sill. Fully clothed ladies and scantily clad boys piled into the shower for much moisture and one last photo. What a wonderful day. One day I will grow up. Shoot me when I do.
Listening to: Hero – Enrique – oh how I like to torture myself
Eating: I’m in a ten second food break so nothing, honest