I have a gammy leg. The cause of this is still unclear but I'm sure it may have something to do with the over use of body parts in stupid ways over the past two weeks. Never before have I performed or attempted so many gymnastic moves adn dancing more suited to an epileptic ape than I have in the past 2 weeks. Maybe I never will again. I mean, I had to run for a bus which is bad enough in itself but to have a full uncontrollable limp while running for public transport is very traumatic. My limp is so severe that my whole right leg trails at least 2 meters behind the left one so as I jumped on the bus, the right leg was left at the corner and could do nothing but watch as my left leg and the rest of my body got on the infested bus. It's probably still there. If you pass by Kings Gate you may see my leg just stood there by the corner not knowing quite what to do. It will be drenched in this rain, unless it sensibly made its way into the bus shelter and I gotta feel for it but come on, it was a bit like having Oprah Winfrey attached to my body - a 10 tonne weight of uselessness - and it hindered my usually graceful walk (yeah right, there's as much chance as me being graceful as there is me not eating for 10 minutes) and made me look like a bigger prick than normal. I did it a favour leaving it there, stranded in the cold wetness of Aberdeen for some tramp to come along and either knaw at it or substitute it for his own right leg because the part of jeans it was clad in are prettier than his own soiled boiler suit. I may save my leg from this plight of being trailed through the life and times of a homeless man and collect it on my return home. Speaking of gammy legs do you know there is a prostitue who frequents the ABerdeen red light district with a gammy leg? This whore has the King of all loose legs and I wonder how she really does get her leg over. Maybe that's why the phrase is 'getting your leg over' as opposed ot 'getting your legs over' because whoever came up with such an inventive phrase was one of the bandy legged crew. You gotta see this slag though. It's not even as if her pretty face could compensate for her years of bending herself in all sorts of positions to give her a gammy leg because she is one ugly bird. IN fact it could be fair to say that I have never seen a good looking whore in Aberdeen. Not that I regularly check out the slut worthy talent but if bored I have been seen to wander in the harbour area. Sometimes I do it when I'm skint too but really people just think I'm a little bit 'special' and give out signs of being a shit fuck so am avoided at all costs. I don't want to talk about whores no more. I don't want to talk about anything no more. It's 'spar rapport' time so am best avoided in person for the best part of this week.