I love to laugh as much as the next fat person but Sunday really was taking laughter to extremes. Because you all know I have a very sensible and mature sense of humour you will appreciate that I was not laughing at the impossibility of some mathematics problem or the fact that that my IQ is exceedinly higher than yours but I was in fact laughing myself into a coma over the flattest ass in history. I do love a silly ass and this one gave me the best heart burn and caused me to keel over in pain 14 times cause it was so damn wrong. It was Beautiful Boy and his eye for a stupid arse that spotted this one and sometimes I wish he hadn't drawn my attention to it because even today, 2 days on I still can't think about this butt without having to wipe my eyes on my shirt and hold my gut in agony. We were innocently strolling out of Diesel when Beautiful Boy made the casual remark, "She has been sitting on that ass for far too long" and here it was, in all it's flatness, encased in the most unflattering (but very flattening)pair of joggers which revealed every inch of cellulite and every poc marked crease known to man. It teased me by walking slowly in front of me, begging me to point and jeer and laugh harder and louder than ever before, so loud that deaf people worldwide knew what I was laughing at. But really, how could an ass really have been as flat as 8 loaves of bread with no yeast? Because of the flatness of this pitted ass, it was elongated to the size of a bay window. It was just so flat that it did look like it was her first day walking, that she had been sat on her ass since the day she had been born and even in her previous life. She wasn't even a jumbo girl all over, clearly she had been doing leg exercises to ensure that she would be capable of walking when the day came to try it out but she didn't carry out the art of butt clenching, it was obvious. And, as I am having great difficulty writing this coherently with all the laughter and shaky body parts I will go and try and contain about 48 hours of laughter with a fridge raid.
Eating: gerkins and salt
Listening to: love at first sight - kylie