It's been a long day and it shows no signs of getting shorter. I have visions of being up again all night. These are only visions. In reality I hope to be fast asleep by 10.45 to give me a near 10 hours sleep to face the strenuous day that lies ahead. If you can call surfing the internet and eating pastries strenous that is. I'm meant to be going camping on Sunday. I was supposed to be going for 4 whole nights. This dwindled to 2 nights and has now drifted away to zero nights. Instead I will stay in a guesthouse with shared bathrooms (shared until a flaoter has greeted them in the morning taht is) for 3 nights with Lil Red. I was actually rather looking forward to spending time in the open air, cooking up marshmallows and veggie burgers on the stove, really I was. Yeah, about as much as I look forward to the day I wake up straight. I have as much experience camping as I do having a girlfriend. The only time I have ever been camping was with beautiful Wendy the manipulative girl who I adored but who tormented my mind. We went with her parents and their Rottweiler who was rather friendly and did not live up to the name Krugar. I was about 11 and was so made up with getting to share a tent with the girl of my dreams that it never occured to me I would have to learn to piss outdoors. I kinda forgot I was not 2 years old anymore and that my mother would not be there to hold my legs up to make sure I did not wazz all over my patterned leggings. My first outdoor piss and I knew there would be a carry on. I ran into the woods on my own, leaving Wendy whistling and thinking of the boys she'd left at home. I ran quite a bit into the woods, scared that wendy would appear to take a photo of my ass way up in the air to pass around to everyone. She was that kind of girl. Maybe that's why I thought I loved her. Or maybe it's cos she was the prettiest girl in my class who could run real fast and was freckled all over. Anyway, as I whipped down my oversized pants I was unsure in which position to place my feet and all the commotion of running into the woods had made me desperate. I didn't have time to think about my feet and the wrong position they were in and I definitely did not have the time to consider the fact that I was supposed to avoid the jeans round my ankels and I just peed straight down. Of course I simply peed all over myself and not even one drop dribbled on the ground but instead lay in a pool inside my pants and jeans. Knowing that Wendy would tell everyone at school, including the boys who would not kiss me during spin the bottle, I knew I could not tell her. And so I did the only other thing there was to do: I found a ditch and threw myself in, ass first, and rolled around in the mud, cow shit and bunny poop til I was satisfied I no longer smelt of kid wee but more of wet turd. I can still feel the animal jobbies squidging about in my socks but telling Wendy I fell in a shitty ditch was definitely more appealing than having to tell her I urinated all over my elasticated waist jeans, believe me. And because of this, and because of Wendy shining the torch at my naked ass as I tried to recreate the pee outdoor incident in the night for a second time, I have developed a fear of the outdoors. Of course I can pee rather well outdoors now and only sometimes do I manage to soil my socks these days but even still I still get jittery and lose all colour when I think of having to experience that with someone I like again. There are varying other reasons we have ditched sleeping bags, midges and salmonella for the comfort of a b&b actually. Too many reasons to go into at the moment, considering it's 10pm and I still have to book said b&b before lights out at 10.45pm. So, goodnight or good afternoon to you readers, depedning on where you are in the world. Away to dream about the fun I'm going to have at Landmark
on wednesday where I will pee outdoors from a very great height.
Listening to: something awful