Now readers, I know as well as you do that I am no Sarah Jessica Parker in the femininity department but I also would have to say that I am certainly no kd lang in the testosterone department either. I don't really fit snuggly into any of these lesbo labels and everyone has their own differing opinion on 'what' I am, be that man, woman or beast. I guess on a good day for me I'm more girl than not so what I'm wondering is when I'm put in a room with real life pointy shoes wearing and tiny handbags carrying girls, how come when there's a jar to be opened, a lightbulb to be changed or a lawn to be mown then I am the first one they come to for 'masculine' help. I know I aint a weedy type but I don't imagine I'm any better at cracking those nuts than any of those straights but still they assume that when there is no real man about that they should ask the next best thing ie me, the lesbo. I don't know if they think they are doing me a favour in making me feel like a man because obviously being a queer means I wish I had a cock and facial hair and long toes... Yeah that's right. It's odd how as soon as that bog needs scrubbing or the ornaments need polishing that I'm never even considered in the equation. It never occurs to them apron clad ladies that I may like to slip on a pair of marigolds and get on my hands and knees and scrape the skids of the bowl. I wouldn't like to carry out such a gruelling, gruesome task but that's beside the point. Cleaning is a 'ladies' task and therefore I never get asked to do it. Although, how scratching poop away with a tough brush can be considered as a 'womens' task I do not know. All ladies I know would rather die that even mention theword 'jobbie' so why they are expected to clean other people's shite I do not know. But anyway, why do those ladies never say 'hey fee, why don't you get in there and do the washing up for a change'. I wouldn't do it. I have pretty nails. I'd like to keep that way as much as they do but they do need to understand that being a lesbian does not mean I'm born with knowledge on cars, the ability to change a fuse or it does not mean I'm going to watch sport on television. Just cos I wanna do women, doesn't mean I have to take on the role of a husband. I do love a good stereotype I do.
After being classed as 'the man of the house' on too many occasions the other day I decided that I needed a quick femininity fix. The choices open to me in order to have this were vast, considering I have a lady who is just that and the concept of football or slipping into overalls is completely foreign to her. Jesus she can;t even hold a pint in one hand. And so, while I could have switched on a chick flick or cooked a delicate meal of salad and healthy chicken fillets to soothe my build up of masculinity, I instead chose to slide my rather large feet into a pair of very pointy, very lady-like, very high boots. The results were rather comical but not to be sneared at. I had problems zipping up the bad boys and caught my leg hair in the zip but once they were on and my kick-flares were resting well over them I actually suited them. From the waist down at least. Maybe they didn;t go with my bright yellow tee with a big kids car on it or with my shag bands a plenty but hell it really did make me feel all woman for at least 10 seconds and it did give me the best laugh I've had all week, seeing me in womens shoes. It's all very wrong. While feeling like a woman can be good in small doses, personally I'd rather just feel a woman.