Something's been bothering me. Something other than myself that is. My issue of the day is pussy size, yes really. Are fannies in proportion to the size of your body? Do large lasses have massive minges and do skinny chicks have thin lips? If you start off as a slender gal and eat your entire body weight twice over within the space of a week, will your fanny expand to the size of Japan along with the rest of you? And if you diet to lose the ten stone you put on over Xmas will the outer casing of your puss decrease in size and look not unlike saggy jowels and be stretchmarked to buggery? Does an out of control bush mask the sight of stretchmarks and make your fanny look ginormous? These questions have been plaguing me for at least one day and I require answers. Not having seen enough beaver of varying shapes and sizes in my life time, I feel I am unqualified to answer these important, life depending questions. Does anyone else know? And even more importantly, does size matter? Would people be put off a gash the size of my back garden or one the size of a gutted sardine? Is more less or is less more? Is a scraggy puss better than a fat fudge? Would a bigger bird look stupid with a tiny twatt and would an anorexic look all wrong with a minge bigger than her arse? So, does weight and body size bear any reflection of the size of vagina? That's all I want to know. Does anyone care about the size of puss, bar me of course? There are too many questions and no where to find the answers so I will leave to ponder these questions and make some room in my email inbox for all the mail I'm sure not to get regarding such a vital subject. And also to squatt over a small handmirror.
Listening to: the squelchy sound of a distant muff puff aka Ronan Keating on the radio