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I am a 25 year old butcheyfemme queer with rubbish on my mind and sparkles everywhere else My Profile
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Damn machine is really pissing me off. I just finished a lengthy and detailed post about the wonders of lesbian sex, full of graphic, hardcore detail which excited even me and when I tried to post it on my weblog it disappeared into the realms of cyber space, never to be seen again. No one will ever know about that rainy night in georgia when I met those chicks for the first and last time. I guess the disappearance of hot lesbo sex was trying to tell me that no one is interested in reading about naked chicks cavorting with each other in the great outdoors with only fingers and tongues for comfort. Oh well at least I saved you all the bother of reading it and will now talk about something not so completely different. Lesbian porn.
A generous offer was made to myself and Lil Red by The Gentleman the other day. Nope, it wasn't £200 to watch a girl on girl snog, nor was it as much food as I could eat for a week but the Gentleman decided to fund our trip to Glasgow for a night to accompany himself, the Beautiful Boy and The Beautiful Boy's Beautiful Boyfriend (from here on now known as Sexy G). Remembering all the fun and debauchery of pillow fighting and climbing in cardboard boxes of the last Glaswegian escapade, how could we refuse? Having asked Beautiful Boy to purchase some reading material to take my mind off the raging hangover I was suffering which was due to an over indulgence in Smirnoff Ices the previous night, I was more than happy when he produced a lesbo porno. You may find this hard to believe but this was to be my first viewing of real lesbo porn. While I have had more than my fair share of hetero porn, having purchased my first copy at age 12, this the fist time I’d seen all girl on girl action in paper format, with double pussy on every page and more boobs than I could ever handle. And not a cock in sight. Heaven. Or so I thought. As soon as I turned the cover I knew I was in for a real treat… I’m quite used to seeing regular porn stars in their flattering stances with their huge permed hair, their teased nipples and their overly painted faces but these ‘real lesbos’ were something else. In fact they looked like a party of aged, make-up less whores who had just been eaten out for the 800th millionth time and were enjoying it as much as they enjoy plucking their belly hair. I thought Beautiful Boy had found this mag in his cupboard from his straight days, a good decade ago and the ‘fashion’ did nothing to dispel this thought. All the couples either had a bad item of clothing still on as they were fingered and licked or they lay there on some tasteless rug or throw that would not have looked out of place in a Laura Ashley (a shop famous for floral prints). One coupling, Jane and Anne-Marie I think, were both getting down to the nasty with bloody shoes on. Who the hell fucks with shoes on? I’ve heard that some boys fuck loafers (or is that luffahs??) but this was ridiculous. I think it was Jane with her cropped greasy hair who wore the gleaming white no-name aerobics shoes which were pulled so tight you could see the pain in her face and the thick brown sandals and white calf length shoes were clearly visible as Anne-Marie was rimmed and held her legs aloft. Surely that’s dangerous. Death by bouncing shoe. While I was utterly disappointed with this magazine, I did go through it a good three times to check that Mary with her large quiff and larger pussy and Donna with her shorn locks and grossly out of control bush were for real. Sadly they were and I may never look at a ‘Bonnie Brenda from Scotland’ again. Do lesbians really do that kind of thing? Am I completely uneducated in the ways of the lesbo? Should I too cut my hair squint and wear tasteless decorative scarves while getting busy with an ‘Yvette’? Or maybe I should make sure I can bend right over sideways and hold my running shoes while Angel puts her tongue to use. Maybe that’s when I’ll make it to a ‘real lesbo’ as these girls were termed. I’m very excited at the prospect. And so this is one magazine that will not become soiled and instead will make an appearance at family parties and weddings so others can be privy to the cover-to-cover muff glory. The delights of that many split beaver and overly sucked nipples are something that everyone should be witness to. Tremendous reading where the pubes are patchy and the facial expressions are patchier. Not to be missed. Really. I’m off to think about how to apply for a job on Girl2Girl. Give me an hour(it can't take longer than that to pull up my socks and grimace my face surely?). I need to fill you in on my week of flitting from Inverness to Carrbridge to Cruden Bay to Glasgow. It’s going to be very exciting. I’m a bad liar. Britney Wannabe 
9/02/2002 02:52:00 PM
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Adventures of Charmin |
