Diary of a Glitter Splashed Britney Lovin' Lesbo

I am a 25 year old butcheyfemme queer with rubbish on my mind and sparkles everywhere else

Name:Miss Fee


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Currently Reading:

The Outsider - A Camus

Choke - C Palahnuik


Thursday, October 17

In the 3 years I have been studying my course I have never been inspired or even slightly motivated by any lecture. Until yesterday. And it wasn't even anything to do with our course really. We got a lecture on creativity and innovation and included in this was ways to boost your creativity. Simple things such as eating somewhere different, watching badly reviewed films and generally doing slight things that you wouldn't normally do because they are not already a part of your life. Now, I'm about as creative as I am thin and have no real desire to innovate but it made me look at the things I do and I realised how routine my life is. I mean, I eat the same sandwiches (tuna and sweetcorn), I walk the same way into town, I order the same food in restaurants (mushroom pizza), I read the same magazines (heat and FHM) and I listen to the same music endlessly (britney and the like). It seems that all this stuff has become such a habit that I didn't even realise what was going on. I have decided that I will do something different every day, to make things less stale. This may be something totally trivial like trying a different sandwich filling or maybe I'll try something bigger (like trying out a rollercoaster for the 1st time). I know I do all the stuff that seems monotonous out of a matter of taste, I mean I love tuna sweetcorn sanwiches and Britney and my walk into town but I have realised that I'm doing all these things without thinking about them anymore. You don't notice stuff anymore, once you start doing the same thing over and over. I mean, in a half hour walk into town I couldn't tell you any of the street names or whether there are any notable houses or buildings because I don't think about it anymore, I just do it. How do I know I wont like some fancy named dish if I keep on having the same thing every time and how do I know wont like the contents of ID magazine if I never read it? I suppose it comes down to fear of the unknown. For example, I don't like roller coasters because I don't like the idea of them but I don't know for a fact that I would hate them and spew bile after trying them out because I've never been on one. So I have decided that I should at least try things out before I rule them out of my life completely. I don't think I'll be giving cock a go though. I guess you just know about some things... :-)

Yesterday I walked home from uni which I never do for 2 reasons: 1) It's uphill and I'm lazy and 2) I'm lazy. It took a good 35 minutes of brisk walking in the sore ear kinda cold and appart from the sweaty mess I turned into afterward, I felt all kinds of good. I don't know what I'll do today. I don't imagine it will be anything particularly exciting but I'm sure something will crop up.

I'm not changing anything permanently but just adding extra things into the things I already have and do in my life. I aint talking about 'seizing the day' because that would involve too much thought and a change in my thinking perspective and also, I'm too lazy to be spontaneous. My thinking is much simpler than that. Change is good but variation is even better. I'm branching out if you like. I will not restrict myself to the same music, films, food and thought patterns. I give it 4 days till I return to the mantra of 'if it aint broke, don't fix it'. My optimism astounds me.

Listening to: Beverly Knight who I hated for no known reason until about yesterday.