I bought a new bag the other day. I thought it was the most beauitiful bag in the world. Well, the most beautiful bag for £5 that would carry the heavy uni books that I have anticipated buying eventually. I previewed the bag only hours after purchasing it, filling it full of bubble warp and cloth to pad it out and I was instantly jeered at, pointed at, gobbed at and a culmination of this taunting led me to be peed on from a height by a boy with cloudy, rotten urine. People resent my bag. I don't know if it is the horse print that people think is funnier than an accidental fart because I have to admit, I don't like the horses either. But honestly, from a distance it looks like blue camoflage. Well it does if you close your eyes and think really hard. I was told that had I bought the same bag with pink horses instead of blue ones it would have been accepted into the family better but with blue horses in all their blueness, the bag has been put to a place in my wardrobe with all the other silly items of clothing I wear daily for people to mock and crease up in pain over. I'm sure at least half of you readers will know which bag I'm talking about and anyone who shops in GAP will certainly know. It's that bag you all point at and comment 'jeez that is the worst bag, ever
'. You know the one I'm talking about right? I am very offended at the sheer disgust expressed over my latest, once loved (for a good 3 minutes) purchase. As offended as I was when someone asked, 'did you buy that bag because you liked it or because it was from GAP?' I hate GAP. I hate the thin jeans and the airy store but mostly I hate the aroogant nobs in headsets who work there. It's full of pointy featured, flicky haried, breakable skinny jerks who offer a sickly smile and 'size help' at any opportunity. I can add 4 thank you very much, I'm not as lacking in intelligence as you. I hate the girl with the mole most. If I knew her name I would complain about that lank haired thing who walks around with her long beak in the air while caressing her 3 bits of hair. Her attitude reeks of aloofness and eau de BO. If it weren't for the pretty shirts I'd refuse to shop there on some sort of principle but the shirts... oh the shirts are so lovely. But I digress. Where was I? Oh a hateful GAP tantrum. I loathe GAP and I loathe their stupid bags that make people like me a target for bullying in the workplace and on the street. But, despite all this, I will continue to wear my mockery of an animal print bag in pride, even if I do look sillier than a butch in a frock. At least it gives the people something to laugh til they die over.
And so I go to GAP to get accused of shoplifting and to shout obscenities at moley girl who's bound to trip over that lip soon enough.
Listening to: the voices in my head tellin me that I should poison all GAP staff so they must close the shop due to a skitter outbreak.
And for the record. i do think it's possible to love more than 1 person at once