Tell me something. Since when has it been 'law' for a lollipop person to escort everybody
across the street? I was storming up the road when I came to a usual set of traffic lights, the only difference being there was a lollipop lady with a cheesey grin propped up against the wall. As soon as I stepped up to press the button she closed in on me with her large pole and her flourescent coat so bright it nipped my eyes. When I protested that I was old enough and certainly ugly enough to make the 3 meter journey across the road on my own she kind of scowled at me and told me it was the 'law'. And we couldn't have a lollipop woman breaking a law she probably passed herself like a case of bad wind could we? And so, humiliated I was marched across the road with my head hung in shame and muttered a 'thanks' as I sped up the road quicker than a boy comes with his first wank. There was not even a child in sight for me to pretend I had been with but there were plenty of car fulls of neds who pointed at me as though I was the highlight of their day. I probably was. It was the highlight of my sad day afterall, even if I'm still frantically fanning my face to get rid of my beamer which seems to have stuck like shite to a grippy shoe. Why would it be law for an eldery person in luminous clothing to make sure every person makes it safely to the other side? I would have felt safer crossing the road with my eyes shut in the pitch black on a motorway. I was at a pedestrian crossing, wasn't it enough that I pressed the button and dutifully waited for the green man before taking those 5 small steps for mankind? What would Mrs Pop have done if I had suddenly leaped out while the red man was still on?? Would she still have helped me across the road while lugging along her huge stick which she could barely carry? I don't think so because maybe that would have broken another law in her little land where jay walking is illegal and lollipop ladies are the 4th emergency service.