Diary of a Glitter Splashed Britney Lovin' Lesbo

I am a 25 year old butcheyfemme queer with rubbish on my mind and sparkles everywhere else

Name:Miss Fee


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The Outsider - A Camus

Choke - C Palahnuik


Tuesday, December 31

Well, that’s another year gone by and as another 53 wrinkles have embedded themselves into my ever sagging skin and as I have added 3 extra bellies to my collection, I thought I should reflect on the year gone by. I have to say that for me, it’s been a fabulous year and there has been so many ‘moments’ that will be engrained in my memory for life. The start of the year was slightly ropey and aside from the time I spent in London and giving birth to my darling weblog, the first few months were totally shite. If I wasn’t in the pub with my three pints, I’d be storming around all angsty, feeling sorry myself and thinking that this was going to set the pattern for the rest of the year. I was all set to let myself step over the edge into madness when Summer came around. Thank heavens for Summer although my Summer started in May which is technically still Spring. I could be here all day if I was to recount all the best bits of Miss Fee’s 2002 but for those of you who have not been with me long and for those who can suffer a run through of the stupidity then please read on. If the reoccurring image of Fee in a turquoise jumpsuit is too much for you then please, feel free to click on a link and navigate yourselves away, I understand. I could be here forever actually, just going over the details of fishy mussels, paddling pools with turds in them, Beautiful Boy in a sparkley catsuit spinning around a tutu clad Bo, our trend setting nasty fashion party which has seen at least 3 trends been picked up of late by the wonderful Girls Aloud, and of course who could forget ‘the lift’ that almost ended in tragedy as Miss Fee was concussed and still has the huge bollock shaped lump to prove it. And that was just the main parties. What about everything else? What about my first date with Lil Red? And what about Lil Red’s three day sickie which saw us, Straight Man A and Beautiful Boy play on swings, play in the woods and break into mazes? And of course who could forget our jaunt up north with the fly infested B&Bs, the lost rucksack, the water slides at Landmark and the lack of any civilisation in the whole town of Inverness? The nights we have all met up in the pub are too countless to remember but I think the one that was the most striking was when we lost a plastic turd over the balcony of a posh nosh bar. And so, while there is surely so much to tell you, so much I probably have already told you in my previous posts and so much I neglected to record in my semi-daily rantings, this year has been unforgettable and I hope our lovely little group, where the dynamics are just that, does not disband and I hope we have even more fun next year if that is at all possible. We can’t wait for Summer season and already ideas for parties are currently being circulated, as well as possible locations for our next new year being cited. The first proper party of the season has already been planned and it is in honour of Miss Fee’s birthday. The theme is of course Britney and everyone has to come as either a ‘Britney’ or something Britney related. I’m doing ‘fat Stronger Britney’ while Beautiful Boy is doing Shiny Red Catsuit Britney. I am hoping The Queen follows through (not on my carpet she doesn’t) with her threat to appear as Christina but she does so at her own risk. We aimed to play ‘pin the piercing on Christina’ using a full sized poster but hell, I can’t think of anything better than stabbing the Queen in various sensitive regions with a sharp instrument. So, while it is still a couple of months till I ripen even more, I’m already far too excited about that event. Almost as excited as I was when Jo Guest chatted me up in a gay bar in London. Did I tell you about that?? Are you sure I did??

It’s a shame that my placement in London is all over and done with. This time last year I was sorting out my best knickers to take with me and looking forward to all the shoppin I would get to do. I had so much fun with the sneaky poos, the lesbo bars, the rotten footed girl, my new friendship with Straight Man A and everything else that meant I was not in Aberdeen and at university. If I could do it all again however, I would do work at my placement instead of spending hours at a time weblogging till my fingerprints had vanished. Or would I?

So, all that rehashed tripe was to tell you that I look forward to having more great years with the same people because I really don’t think you can ever tire of sweaty side ponies, Tiffany and Chesney, the internal tiny squabbles, the turd talk and everything else that goes with what makes us get on so well as a group. I hang out with a bunch of people, all of whom (aside from maybe 2) I knew for some time before and probably never even knew their second names. Now however, I know who will be the first to get emotional at a party, I know who will be chatting politics that I don’t understand, I know who fancies who (aha!), I know who will be stroppy over certain things, I know who will be the first to laugh at my shit attempt at comedy, I know who will be the first to hug you, I know who the serial texters are and I know those who are not. I know when some people are feeling shit and need to be left alone and I know when some people need a hug. Such a differing bunch of people that balance each other out so well that we get on better than any close knit community or religious cult. Ah the joys of friendship. Ah the vomitisness of Fee getting emotional. Ah the smell of garlic and herb cheese roulade. Ah the reek of Fee’s breath after half a pound of such un-vampire friendly soft cheesiness. Ah the joys of feeding a hangover.

So, have a good new year whenever it may happen, mine is in 12 hours and still am planless about what to do this evening and where to spend the looming 12 am. Oh and happy new year to Lil Red who hits midnight in around an hour. I’m sure it will be a good one.