Well hello there. It seems like it's been forever since I wrote although in reality it's a whole 9 or 10 days which when you have been doing as little as I have been, it really does feel like longer than my hair which, by the way, is out of control. Now, while I'm sure you all missed me as much as you miss those hard faeces that build up in your gut after weeks of constipation, I have missed blogging. However, the sad fact of the matter is that I, Miss Fee, Queen of Poop and Accentuated Fanny Watching has become dull. Well actually I was well on my way prior to this but now I may well be duller and cloudier than a piss after a Guiness drinking session. Do you know the most interesting thing I did last night? I tried to train my bladder. Really. Trying to teach my bladder that 2am and 4 am and 5.30 am and 7.45 am are not appropriate times to be needing relief is like asking a bulimic not to vomit up that 4 courser plus double dessert she just wolfed down. Is that really how boring I have become? Telling my readers about my weak bladder problem? It's not like I need panty liners or anything but if I did, I'd definitely be a user of them scented ones. Mmmmm, the aroma of stale piss mingled with delicate rose petals... how fresh would my knickers be? Like a cow shit on a hot summer's day. What happens with panty liners if you take someone home? Obviously if it's jammy rag time you feel comfortable telling someone, 'hey, no fingers in beaver today because there's too much jam in the sandwich' but how do you tell someone your bladder is out of control and with one sneeze you may urinate all over their pretty fingers? Maybe you need to find someone who has a pee fetish. Or maybe you just need to whip your soiled panty liner off and discard it before your partner discovers the yellow tinged mass in your pants. Whatever, I don't need panty liners. In fact I don't even usually have a bladder weaker than Superman on Kryptonite. It only happens in the night. Every night without fail I am up at least twice and that's on a good day. And so fed up was I of going to my cold bathroom that I decided I'd had enough. I reckoned it would take more effort to get up and wazz than lying there holding it in. I lay there without much discomfort for the first hour and even managed to dose on and off but after a while I could feel the pain building and building til I was at the point where I couldn't even move to get to the bathroom because any sudden movement would have caused me to wish I had a whole pack of panty liners wedged inside my knickers. Still I wish it were okay for an adult to pee herself. Not just in the computer labs because it is too cold but especially in bed. I mean, no one would have ever known. I could have laid there rolling around in moist sheets for hours, staining my body with urine with my every turn and by the time the sheets got unbearably whiffy, everyone would have left the house and me and my clammy, stinky body would have been ok to wash the sheets before anyone ever noticed. I didn't though. I didn't pee the bed but I think it's a hobby I may take up, if only even for the warmth and confort it may deliver while my sleeping partner is away. I must be sure to give it up before she returns however as I really don't think she'd appreciate the warm gush of Fee against her legs in the middle of the night. And yes, I'm still talking about pee. And while I go to ponder my sad life that has resulted in me telling tales from the bog once more, I will tell you that I miss my Lil Red. My missing of my lady has led to such disatrous weblogging efforts and I apologise for the complete lack of content. Not that thre is usually much point to the crap I speak but you'd have thought that seeing as I haven't written in so long that I would have some real scandal for you but hell, my life is studying and missing Lil Red. It really can't get any better... Oh I could tell you about my new year... if only to re enact the famous Gypsy Frills Anon doing a flying backward roll off her backless chair and landing in a heap with legs akimbo and fag in hand... Maybe another day. So, have a good day/evening and I will be sure to think bout you all when I introduce myself to the peeing in bed game, as long as you promise to think about me wading in hot steamy wee all the way up to my flabby elbows.
Come home soon Lil Red I miss you!