I am in the kind of mood today where I am pissed off with everything and everyone. It's amazing how one small incident can ruin your entire fuckin' day. And you know what's more annoying? The lack of anonymity on this blog. There's so much I want to say, so much stuff that really deserves taking the piss out of and I can say nada because X will read it and tell Z who will then pass it on to Y who will tell P's sister who will of course tell H and then I am fucked. I could have some amazing blog entries for you, far more entertaining that the shit I usually speak but of course I made the mistake of telling people about my blog which I have to personally censor each time I try and write. I can't tell you the thing that fucked me off today, after I had been feeling kinda good for at least 3 whole days and that's even more frustrating. Today is not going to be a good day. I hate everything. Every little thing is playing havoc with my mind. I hate the clicking of keys which is unfortunate as I'm in a computer lab, I hate the fat poof who is crunching his apple (some vain attempt to be healthy? Yeah right, I've seen the contents of his bag and know he will be consuming over his weekly intake of fat in one mouthful) but I can't even turn around and give him a crap dirty look because he is sitting with a girl I once christened 'hot' and drunkenly tried to chat up, despite her straightness (well since when has that
been an obstacle?) and then there is uni work which I really can't be arsed doing cause it's so frickin boring. And you know what else? You know what is bugging me almost more than the thing that fucked me off to start with? This theory of 'One Size Fits All' when designing clothes. It's fucking insulting. I found a beautiful shirt, all supposedly customised so each one is different, army style with cute patches (hello kitty, powerpuff girls, etc) and I about flooded my certina when I saw them. As did the averagely built girl with the pigtails standing next to me. We scoured the racks to find one that didn't look like it was designed for a Borrower to no avail. So I let Averagely Built Pigtails try it on. She was so excited when she saw the shirts, I didn't even know her but I could as good as smell her excitement just standing next to her (she'd used a lightly sceneted shower gel that day and had had sex last night). So she skipped off to the changing room armed with the fabulous shirt. After a good struggle in the changing room with the One Size shirt she finally emerged a tearful and shaken. Not only did the shirt not fit but she had broken more than a sweat in trying to close the tiny garment. Her Averagely sized face was gutted. She was about tripping over her lip as she left the shop muttering, 'I could make one that fits for a fiver'. And is if to rub toothpaste into genitals, a super skinny wearing those stupid elasticated three quarter length trousers over knee high boots, a side pony and boob tube strutted in and bought not one but two. And she knew she didn't have try it on because One Size was just her size. The shirt was far too cool for her. There is no way she could have teamed it well with anything in her 'natural coloured' wardrobe and how the hell was she going to accesorize it wearing 'her' colours, cream and caramel, when that shirt only deserved an array of multi coloured mix-matchedness? It was just cool enough for me and Averagely Built Pigtails and we couldn't even get our bingo wings in the sleeve. Mind you, obvioulsy there is now going to be a hoard of nobs who will be as suited to the shirt as I am to a gypsy frill running around in their 'customized' shirts and looking shit so I should be glad I am not One Size. The only thing in this world that truly lives up to the theory of 'One Size Fits All' is a toilet seat.
And while we are on the subject, since when are sized 14 people 4ft tall? Why do people make clothes that fit fine across your broadness only to have them sit like a crop top so everyone can see your bellies bouncing around like kangaroos on heat? Do they not take into account the fact that we we have tits? Do they forget, in all their fashion expertise, that girls come complete with tits and when these babies are put into a top it gets slightly shorter so really they should account for this or are they skimping on material? Why do they make beautiful clothes that will only fit the midgets and the tit-less and the freakishly thin? I've had enough. From now on it's over sized shirts to the knee and loose joggers only for Miss Fee. If they wont design clothes to fit me, I refuse to squeeze myself into tiny clothes so all my flab hangs out at either side and will instead go frumpy (er?). And so I go to try and relieve some of this tension by attempting to think about nicer people and nicer clothes. Have a good day y'all.
Oh and don't forget to check out the bastard King of One Size
fits all and listen to his sweet sweet song...