Graduation was excellent. Take away the near flooding of my panty liner and my massive red sweaty face and my probably humped back, things went better and faster than I could have expected. My moment of glory lasted about 6 seconds so I don’t even think I had time to catch my size tens on my too-long pinstripes. The rest of the afternoon was all about excess food and photos and family and generally being centre of attention and of course having tantrums about almost everything. The rest of the evening was most definitely all about getting wasted getting bought drinks and generally being as loud and obnoxious as the rest of the group. And multiple shots and £1 drinks ensured that Luscious L when as good as unconscious on the middle of the road got piled ontop of by 6 major bodies. I think mine at the end called a definite sudden halt to the game however and Luscious L was left with a purple imprint of the cobbled street on his beautiful face. Bless. You’d think that or the random biting that was going on apparently everywhere would have been enough pain for all to handle but clearly a special J Bo was feeling a tad on the masochistic side and insisted on inflicting THE most massive wedgey ever on her own ass and now split in two chuff. So here we were in a club where we were the only people, requesting our standard ‘show tunes’ (Tiffany, Chesney and the like), running around withougt the coffee table to trip over and a Bo was cutting around with her arms in the legs of her thong and using the entire pair of pants like a pair of ‘rock on tommy’ braces. The DJ called a halt to the music in tribute to the now fully mutilated fanny of J Bo. It was sad. I’m sure it was a damn good chuff and I’m sure it did not deserve to be treated in such a beastly fashion. At least she now has two clits and an extra large ass crack which is always a good look. Anyway, after too much lesbo snogging at the not so gay bar we left with me wondering how the fuck I was supposed to get up only hours later to my job interiew for a job I actually really wanted. Regardless of my lack of sleep and the fact that I looked like a rubbery turd, I got a job. The woman called me the same day and hit me with flattery such as ‘oh you were a yes from the word go’, ‘there was never any doubt that you were getting a job here’. Woo Hoo. Feely up Fee is employable after all and maybe my ruffian hungover look swung it in my direction. No that was my ability to charm a pretty lady. Yeah right. Anyway, no longer will I don my red t shirt so large I need not wear pants and instead I will now work for a bigger bookshop where hopefully they will let me be in charge of all things queer. Life is good. Life is friggin hot actually. I am sat here in my garden banging away only on my lap top and nothing more exciting I’m afraid and listening to my fat sizzling in the stupid heat while drinking homemade smoothies. Bliss.
And so I go to consider the shorts. Doubt it. It feels ground-breaking that I am even sitting here in ¾ length trousers with my large ankles a bit too visibly on show. Ick. Sweat drippin on keyboard is not a good look for anyone. Damn you sun. Get inside where you belong Miss Fee.
The Spell – Alan Hollinghurst
New York being only 3 weeks away
Garden Parties minus the beasts
Having a job!
Having to do work today when I so can’t be arsed
Smoothie hangover. Not good for the ass all that fruit.
My curly hair. Damn the humidity.
Over heating laptops
Fuck it, no more, am actually happy.