I hate removing nail varnish with a sweaty sock. I hate eating plain rice and potatoes. I hate buying trousers so cheap there is only one belt loop. I hate how wearing a belt with one belt loop trousers causes the belt to drip in your piss without you realising till it's too late. I hate having to drink diet coke in the pub. I hate eating three apples a day. I hate having to watch every shite television programme, every day. I hate a lot of things right now but more than anything I hate how being so penniless I am forced to do all the things I hate. I also hate the fact that someone stole my organic peppermint teabags from this stupid place and I can't even afford to replace them. Of course the reason I am a total mink is much more exciting than being able to do all the things I like for 5 weeks. New York Baby. I figured I could live off the bare essentials which I can barely afford for 5 weeks in some vain effort to be able to afford to go the The City, baby. This is also supposed to aid me in my power diet. I don't really care about being a chubber in The City because is it not true that over half of the American population is clinically obese and I will therefore blend in as well as a crab in a whore's fanny? But my real concern is that on our way home we are stopping in Iceland and I am being dragged pretty much kicking and screaming to The Blue Lagoon. A lake with purifying qualities which is aimed to detox us after our antics in The City. Sounds swell but hello, me in a bather?? I don't even want you to hold that thought. I feel physcially repulsed just thinking about it. I haven't been in water in public since I was an equally overweight prepubescent teen and I really don't want to repeat those torture years of 'throw fatty in the water and watch her sink'. And having to strip down to unflattering lycra in front of three of your closest friends... I would never be able to look at them ever again. And I'm sure they would never look at me in my flattering clothes in the same way ever again, knowingly what lurks beneath. Maybe I'll get really drunk on the journey to the lake and be declared unfit to swim. Or maybe I'll just jump in fully clothed and watch in horror as the water jumps out and every bather is left in a dry hole in the ground wondering if the whale will ever find its rightful way back to the sea. Now I remember why at 24 this is my first holiday with my friends. Damn you water and heat.
Anyway, as I go contemplate if I can get away with only dipping my slender wrists in the water I will tell you that I just about had another near accident with the belt. Will buy skinners in future to ensure that no belt is required as my ass will keep them up of its own accord.
My pink and camouflage shopper, gonna get it mounted on wheels and drag it around when I am old[er]
Home Alone 2
Fingers (not just for nail varnish you know)
My beautifully co-ordinated outfit
Having to wait another 5 weeks 4 days til NYC
Being completely neurotic about everything
French manicured toes nails. Doubt it