Diary of a Glitter Splashed Britney Lovin' Lesbo

I am a 25 year old butcheyfemme queer with rubbish on my mind and sparkles everywhere else

Name:Miss Fee


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Currently Reading:

The Outsider - A Camus

Choke - C Palahnuik


Wednesday, July 23

You know it’s love when…

your girl comes to stay when your folks are out of town and she is still there at the end of the time despite having witnessed you in roles that she certainly does not lie back and fantasize over.

She sees me take on this oddly, often vile, role of domesticity and witnesses some grotesque scenes she could not have thought possible of The Fee and yet, 6 days on she is still here, with the cuddles, the kisses and most of all, the adoration of someone who will allow no dog turd to spoil what we have.

I mean, I love our romantic quad daily dog walks. Just the two of us strolling hand in hand through the park with the dogs skipping around our feet, with the sun streaming through the trees, making our little gay faces glowy. But just as we are just getting lost within this picturesque, from-a-book scene we are faced with my beautiful fluffy white dog taking a huge stool right in front of us, straining and grunting with all his little might to force out the mother of all turds. I could lean and kiss her so she doesn’t see this so the moment will not be spoiled but alas, there is no hiding the fact I then have to go hunt the poop, which is always about 600 leaves down, and retrieve it with a probably holey plastic bag and grapple at the monster poop/leave/mud concoction with two hands to even get it into the cheap carrier bag and then march off to the poop bin which is smellier-than-an-alcohol-shite infested toilet. Yeah, there really is no hiding that. So dignified. But yet she still loves me. Even when there is diarrhoea, after a hard day of eating from discarded cartons and inedible plants and I could sieve it quite easily pre pick-up, she still cares. Even when my polite dog steps into the middle of the road for his after dinner poop which I must subsequently scrape from the cobbles whilst a queue of waiting cars blast their horns and wave fat fists at me, she still loves me. Has her love been blinded by too much dog poop?

Anyway, I’m having a fabulous time, going on pooh patrol, eating enough smoothies give myself soft poo for eternity and reading endlessly. And of course getting to spend some quality (for me at least) time with my girl without the interruptions that are usually so prevalent for us is quite wonderful. And what’s more, it’s less than 3 weeks till I fly high and head NY. Life is still fabulous though very much poop tainted.

Today’s Likes

Solid poops which are easily handled
Poops done in the discretion on the woods
The invisible poop
Poos which do not break the bag
The odourless shite

Today’s Dislikes

Mushy poops which require more than one holey bag
The wet poos that slip through the bag
Twig filled poops that rip the bag
Poops underfoot when flip flops are worn
Jobbies caught in your turn up

And so today is definitely a day for whatever this may have in store