Is there an art to wearing a thong? Is there more to it than just making sure you have it on the right way round (ouch)? Does it take skill to get it so it sits just right? Do you have to have your ass measured as you do bras to ensure that you gain maximum comfort? These questions have been plaguing me for the past 2 minutes. It's not that I have personal experience with failing to adequetely dress my ass in a thong cos I have never let one touch my ankles let alone anything further up, I just have issues because they seem such a brutal invention. Who would have thought that a thin slip of material could hold the power to split you in two if wedgied whilst wearing. Thongs really bother me. Not only can they most defintely not be good for the health of an ass but really they are most unattractive. If I'd seen only large, bad bums in thongs then this would be understandable but I have seen hot chicks in thongs with good asses and it just looks all wrong. When a thong is skillfully maneouvered
inside the buttocks, a hot ass is suddenly elongated and looks longer than my ass without its supports. The thought of squeezing my bubbly butt into a cheese wire makes me wanna vomit but maybe I should give it a go to find out if the horror stories are true. Do you whistle when you fart? Do farts that can't quite get through because they don't know which way to go round the thong suddenly pop and leave their mark upon the wearer? Do they get lost within the confines of flabby bums to the point that you are wearing 5 or 6 and don't even realise it? Is there a need to give yourself such massive wedgies when wearing one like the D.I.Y-wedgies the Bo performs on herself after a sniff of vodka? Such powerful, thought invoking questions. Such ugly, possibly painful inventions. Death to thongs. Surely the only thing they can be good for is ensuring your big frilly panty line isn't on show through your white leggings? And surely if you are wearing white leggings you deserve to be put through excruciating torture? Jesus christ, if you are wearing white leggings, is a panty line not better than the visible poc marked arse look which is only possible whilst wearing a thong or going pantyless? And if you are still insisting on wearing white leggings and going pantyless do we really want to see you pubic bush winking at us? I mean why don't you go all out and give yourself a camels hoof while you're at it. Jesus. And why am I discussing white leggings with myself? It's been a long day is my only excuse.
I must go. The flashing images of bad bums in thongs is tomenting me so I must delve into my wardrobe and unleash the mother of all pants in order to save my faltering sanity. And anyway, I'm fed up listeing to the sound of my podgy fingers banging away on this keyboard so please, confirm or deny my thong fears!