Diary of a Glitter Splashed Britney Lovin' Lesbo

I am a 25 year old butcheyfemme queer with rubbish on my mind and sparkles everywhere else

Name:Miss Fee


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Currently Reading:

The Outsider - A Camus

Choke - C Palahnuik


Thursday, July 29

I've been up to my chubby elbows in dog turd for the past two days.  It's not anymore pleasant than it sounds.  A large dog with a terrible dose of the gary glitters.  It's all too much. 

After trailing around 146 flea infested, over priced flats, we found ourselves a flat with the potential to be beautiful.  Yes really.  This momentous occurance happened on Friday evening and set us up for a fabulous weekend.  No more would we have to trail from one end of the city to the other making pleasantries with arrogant estate agents and vile tennants.  Never again would we have to witness the decorating disasters mascarading as tasteful decor.  We could finally just retreat to the back garden with some bacardi twist, a Prayer for Owen Meany and some suntan lotion (factor 30 even in the pathetic Aberdeen 'heat').  Ah the mere thought.

Of course I should have known this was too good to be true.  We awoke on hangover day number 2 to be greeted with a total poo party.  In all my years as a dog owner I have never witnessed such carnage.  Two hours and a clean kitchen and a wiped dog arse later came the repeat performance which laid the foundations for the next two days.  My god there really is no rest for the wicked.  So rather than the peaceful relaxing week we had planned we've been running after the dog with a bucket and mop begging him not to wipe the excess on the carpet and to save it for the easier to clean lino.  Needless to say my days of late have been less glittery and more skittery and I cannot close my eyes without seeing wet dollops of shit.  And the smell...  It's time to stop.

Today was less brown however and definitely more pink and purple tinged as we headed to the hardware shop to stock up on more shades of my favourite colours than I knew existed.  Our new home is going to be so pretty.  I am getting my pink wall once again (although I think that line has been drawn at the sparkle topcoat) and the walls will play host to our new framed Eliza Dusku and Carrie posters.  I'm so glad my Lil Red has the same fabulous taste in women as I do and has no objections to displaying our women so publicly.  And of course my Britney will get prime position in the purple living room as always.  The life of a Britney lovin' lesbo is ace.

And so I go stretch out those too-small rubber gloves and arm myself with soap and kitchen roll in preparation for the teatime walk.  Aint life sweet?

Today's Likes

Sainsbury's chocolate muesli. Nothing quite like it
My pups, bless them and their dirty backsides
Big Brother's Nadia. Funnier than Fee in a frock
My craft girl
Get up Stand Up by Stellar Project

Today's Dislikes

Ironing my hair extensions. Definitely not something that is rocking my world
Fluffy haircuts
Trips to the vet with the noisiest dog in the world
Holidays that are never long enough
Friends with more faces than I have chins
Michelle Big Brother. Just stop talking, please