Public transport really does know how to ruin my day. Tuesday is the only day I start work at 9, usually I'm a half niner, for the joys of staff training so it's the one day a week that if I get the bus, I must share my journey with late school kids and high ponytailed, burberry wearing college people. It's absolutely something to look forward to and as Lil Red and I were running late we had no option but to jump on the bus. Of course the bus was more packed than my pants when I'm parading as a boy and the only available place for me to stand was in front of the doors. Apart from having some bint breathing her glorious, hot morning breath all over my clean skin, I also had the worry that should the doors swing open unexpectedly that I'd get sucked out the door and be lost to the traffic fatally. I shouldn't have worried as when we reached the next stop the concertina doors were automatically flung open and I was subsequently sandwiched between the door and the luggage rack. I tried to appear nonchalant about the whole incident, pretending that in no way was I squashed behind the heavy door and tried to casually remove myself before the onlookers could say, 'eh are you squished behind that door?'. Of course as my large body was restricting the door from being open full way, when I eased myself out, the doors banged properly open with such force I almost lost a hand and straggles of my hair were left behind. As luck would have it, the noise of the crash caused everyone to look my way and giggle and chortle as if me, the heavy, getting caught in a bus door was the funniest thing in the world. At 8.45am, it really was. Why the driver who saw I was in a dangerous position didn't alert me to the fact I'll never know. Probably because he too was in need of a bit of humour in his bus driving life. I'm just glad I didn't have on the Lesbo Shoes of Death and fall on my ass in the process. Bloody public transport, it just never goes according to plan.
And so I go adorn my heavy lesbo shoes which have sturdy man grips and make me look a good 5" taller and far more butch than I mean to be :-)