Diary of a Glitter Splashed Britney Lovin' Lesbo

I am a 25 year old butcheyfemme queer with rubbish on my mind and sparkles everywhere else

Name:Miss Fee


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Currently Reading:

The Outsider - A Camus

Choke - C Palahnuik


Saturday, December 25

It's all fun and games until someone loses control of their bladder on the kitchen floor, twice. It wasn't me who soiled my panty liner however but my fabulous, rather elderly dog who just couldn't cope with the presense of dog numero three. It made for a very entertaining Christmas, having to follow my pup around with a nappy in hand should we not be able to usher him out the back door in time for him to make yellow snow.

At least we got a white/jaundiced Christmas this year. It's so pretty to look at through your two-day hangover eyes after having been rolled out of bed by an industrial crane at 10 in the morning. I hate being hungover on Christmas day so instead of drinks on Christmas Eve I figured I'd get it over with on Thursday. With £1.50 Smirnoff Ices and two baby bells in my man sized gut, I knew I was asking for trouble going drinking straight from work. After a fully fabulous evening night I was safetly packed off to bed by 10.30 with the remnants of sprial fries in my nasal cavaties for no good reason. It wasn't until I was roused from my coma at 3am by a huge pile of vomit creeping upwards that I knew I was in for a mega spew fest. I then proceeded to vomit nothing in particular every hour and you can imagine that when I was due to get up for work that I was a bonny sight. Lil Red manhandled me as best she could into the shower and into clothes that didn't have traces of smoke, alcohol or puke on them and made her best attempt at making look vaguely human. Wow, it wasn't easy Everyone wanted a piece of The Fee that day, especially with the slivers of bile that were stuck, unbeknowst to me, in the bottom of my matted hair. I have no idea how I made it through the day without fainting, panic attacking or retching in public but I do know that I will not be drinking on a school night again in a hurry.

I hope you've all had a fabulous Christmas, I know I have. And so I go wheel my body into bed to watch Absolutely Fabulous which better be just that.