Diary of a Glitter Splashed Britney Lovin' Lesbo

I am a 25 year old butcheyfemme queer with rubbish on my mind and sparkles everywhere else

Name:Miss Fee


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Currently Reading:

The Outsider - A Camus

Choke - C Palahnuik


Monday, December 6

Saturday was all about bandilegged split leaps, piley ons, popper fuelled high kicks and obscure yoga positions. Oh and vodka. And beer. We went to The Beast’s flat with the intention of having a laugh and going straight home. Of course we ended up severely bruised and in the gay bar. I don’t know what happened but I’m pretty sure we owe a lot to way too much alcohol, liquid gold and our old school tunes which took us right back to two summers previous when we all started hanging out with each other properly. I’m pretty sure it was the fault of bloody Scooter (everyone is allowed a relapse now and again) that J Bo and I were shamelessly air punching and almost crashing through the fragile floors like twa mega creeps. It’s not cool after 40 vodkas so there is no way it’s cool after half that amount. Oh and I’m sure Flexi Jenny here won the high kick competition (splitting ma bricks in the process and revealing my fanjita to the world) which led me to perform back bends, recklessly showing off Bella the Belly as I sturdied my feet on the wooden floor and went right back without clattering into a heap of flab and spittle. I was impressed but no one else was. Come on, for a girl of my size there is no way that amount of flexibility should be possible… And my stomach muscles (fucked if I even knew I had any) are in no way thanking me for what I subjected them too. I feel like there’s a heavy footed small person in my gut having a right carry on. Oh man.

The gay bar was, as always, as exciting as a vodka induced spew but we got some good dancing on the go. My god, we even got Britney, before the hard house remixes came on that is. We escaped from the sea of poofs in salmon pink fairly early on and proceeded bedward so my girl could go work the next morning. A good night was had by all but Sunday was a shocker. I swear I had to dig my fingers into my eye sockets to actually find my eyes. And what is it with that hangover smell that no matter how many times you wash you just cannot shake it. I smelt like I’d been smeared in mouldy cheese and dog turd. You can see why all the ladies love a Fee…

Anyway, today is a very exciting day for me. Today, at 5.35pm Sky Mangel will be kissing a girl for the first gayness in Neighbours’ history. Of course I’m sure the kiss will be no more than a peck, the kinda kiss you’d save for a vile relative who chain smokes and drinks cheap bourbon but hey, I’ve got someone backed up to record it so I can replay the moment over and over and over… Oh man. I hate being a girl obsessed lesbo. Yeah right.