I am a 25 year old butcheyfemme queer with rubbish on my mind and sparkles everywhere else
Lil Red and I were drunkenly minding our own gay business after a fully fabulous night in the gay bar (yes really) when the vodka munchies kicked in. Passing an oddly subdued looking Burger King, we lesbos decided to brave the ultra harsh lighting and sleazy ugly men who hadn't yet pulled and satisfy our hunger for at least a minute with a faux burger. The lines were only one person deep and when the bored assistant looked at the slightly spaced Lil Red and yelled 'Next' we stumbled on forward to receive our dirty burgers. She had barely gotten her order out when a giant turd-like woman came storming in about with her oversized elbows and jumbo cloud hair and wrestled Lil Red out of the way, physically grabbing her and launching her over the counter whilst hollering, 'I'm next! You skipped the queue you [insert expletive of your choice here]!' We waited for the burly assistant to do something about it, like take a hold of her by her over large frizzy hair and pull her over the counter and squeeze her saggy body into the deep fat fryer but he just averted his squinty eyes and pretended he'd seen nothing. Cue an exchange of insults and double chinned dirty looks and we got our 'food' and left, tossing the odd 'clever' remark at ancient, brutish woman as we went. Oh it was ugly. Almost as ugly as the gypsy frill the stupid bitch really shouldn't have been wearing, never mind as vile as the goopy mascara that was caked into her every pore. And all over a 99p bacon double cheese burger which probably has less meat in it than my veggie deluxe. How rude. How rude indeed.
So yeah, let's back track. Up until that point we'd had the most fabulous night. We'd been ID-ed in the straight bars (thank you bouncers, even though clearly you are deluded and clearly poor sighted) and were pretty high on a lack of sleep and vodka so we headed to Gayville. There we met The Oldest Lesbo I Know (my ace lesbo friend with whom I share an office) and 'Special' A who worringly knew every word and action to SClub7. Named and shamed. The club was pretty empty, definitely a selling point (less sweaty people to accidently rub body parts with) and a carryon was had by all.
The only down point apart from the camp 'I will Survive'/'Timewarp' shite that was over played was the appearance of the attitudinal gaylord with whom Special A and I had an altercation (ok I wanted to stuff his scrawny gay ass with explosives and watch the shit be blown out of him) when we went to an Amber Benson signing last year. Remember him? Thought not. Neither did I until he appeared in all his newfound gay glory dancing on his own too closely to us for my liking. Anyway, a few sneers left his screwed up face and that was that, no fisticufs, even if his 16 year old prepubescent arm pit did caress my shoulder on more than one occasion. Truly vile.
And so I go to venture into the actual sunshine which has apparently been here for days. Hmpf. Cue sweat patches, body odour and mega hair. Smart.
Going to Glasgow next weekend
Meeting people I haven't seen in ages
Having seen MYLO, no doubt will get round to blogging about it in a year
Having my laptop back after over a year
The Time Traveler's Wife by Audrey blahblah
Dry lips, as kissable as stubble.
Eating my body weight in cheese over the weekend
Sunday without Lil Red
Gaylords with tudes
5/15/2005 01:39:00 PM
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