Diary of a Glitter Splashed Britney Lovin' Lesbo

I am a 25 year old butcheyfemme queer with rubbish on my mind and sparkles everywhere else

Name:Miss Fee


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Currently Reading:

The Outsider - A Camus

Choke - C Palahnuik


Monday, January 8

"He’s Behind You…" Oh shut the fuck up…

I used to love Pantomimes... back in the day when there was all that lesbo action (you know, when Prince Charming was played by a woman and got it on with the rugged Cinderella in front of an audience of thousands?) But now, the leading man is actually played by, shock horror, a man! Scandalous I tell you. And what’s worse, he’s played by a man in tights. I hate men in tights, especially when their tunics do not cover their balls. Vile. I also hate ladies in tights but at least they come without testicles.

Anyway, when the Oldest Lesbo I Know expressed an interest in going to Aberdeen’s version of Cinderella, sans children, I mocked her something chronic. The thought of all that lyrca and over acting made we want to vomit the contents of my stomach across her lap. I didn’t bank on my favourite River City** star, Roisin (pronounced Rosheeeeeen) acting the part of wait for it… the Fairy Godmither (note that’s mither, not mother) so, when two free tickets became available, The Bo and I really had to go. Roisin is a local legend. She’s all teeth and hair and has a chin that would make desperate dan quake in his boots, as would her oh-so feminine voice...

Clearly there was a reason the tickets were free however; we were sandwiched between a phantom farter and kids who were high on the multitude of E numbers they consumed throughout the performance. We fitted in just fine and I had to curb The Bo’s enthusiasm with a a couple of swift kicks as she drooled and whooped and wolf whistled at the Prince Charming and his crown jewels.

The double entendres were as predictable as mine, the ice cream was over priced, the light show was tacky, the singing and acting, as always, was well over dramatic, Prince Charming got the girl when it really should have been gay buttons who laid claim on her, there were people dancing wearing animal heads (another ‘pet’ hate, ha) and the traditional ‘get kids on stage and make them sing’ moment was as funny as a fart with a follow through but, Roisin and her dulcet Aberdonian tones was ace. She was almost a bit too heavy for the strings holding her aloft (think it was her massive fringe weighing her down) but to be in the same room as the woman I have admired and based myself on was fabulous. Life will in fact never be the same again.

So, despite swallowing other people’s ass air and trying to control ADHD kids with a few well aimed elbow prods, we had a very good time… Oh yes we did.

And so I go sink into a delicious Roisin daydream where a woman with a man’s chin and voice is my girlfriend… and you can too by following this link, but please remember: I saw her first.

Today’s Likes

Getting the keys for our new abode today, woo hoo
My new job, more info to follow I’m sure
Listening to my bright pink Nano, undisturbed, at work, all day long…
Gillian McKeith back on TV tomorrow, oh life is good
Not being a mentalist, how long can it last?

Today’s Dislikes

Packing for the 3rd time this year
Having inadvertently packed all my clothes, which I actually need
My filthy hair, hoops an’ all
My £200 phone bill from Milano, sweet jesus
The massive man in tights with a huge deer head, poncing around like a gigantic fanny

** River City - a Scottish TV programme. Its shite acting and crap storylines have earned it cult status mostly amongst students and twenty somethings with nothing better to do of an evening (clearly, myself included)