I am a 25 year old butcheyfemme queer with rubbish on my mind and sparkles everywhere else
Anyway, I introduce Miss Fee's likes and dislikes of 2004. I dare you to stay awake for the duration of your read. Please find matchsticks under your armrest to aid you in keeping your eyes open.
My Lil Red, as fabulous as always
My new job that involves a comfy chair and no customers, Fee heaven
Tru Calling, Miss Dushku, I salute you and your utter hotness
The L Word, Dana you rock my socks, Jenny, you do not
Broken Social Scene
The first 5 days of my Ibiza trip
The Queen of Fun's new girl, Triple S
The lesbo storyline in Neighbours, for a minute
Seeing my girl Britney
The lesbo wrestling that occured in our living room and that has left The Gobby One scarred for life, sorry
Finding Neverland, Kate Winslet, yum delicious
Meeting the wonderful Amber Benson and looking like a giant incomparison to her teenyness
Almost physically toppling over Roisin from Scotland's classiest soap, River City as she charged through my shop a bit too characteristically
Partying in Glasgow
The Looking Glass Wars - Frank Beddor
Our trip to Manchester to see Pink and Sugarbabes
Hanging out with my favourite buddies all year long, Queen of Fun, of course Triple S, J Bo, The Beast and Babsy
Our hot Sex and the City poster that hangs proud in our new home
Getting a bit too carried away with an electric drill sometime over the Summer
My 2 year anniversary with Lil Red
Faux Fuscia pink Ugg boots especially when worn with small skirts which clearly mine are not
Britney, In the Zone, yeah baby
Being a mega podgy bastard
The return of the mullet, or was that last year's thing that just wont die?
Tru Calling being cancelled, seriously doubt it
Contracting camphylobacter from a piece fo skanky fish and being better acquainted with the toilet than my own girlfriend, nice
Working with at least two of the worst people I have ever met
The loss of my beloved laptop
Having to move out of our luxury flat
Falling on my ass in front of The Ginger Crystal Lady :-)
Hitting the big 2 5
Not getting a job in Edinburgh that I really wanted
Discovering Rhona Bloody Cameron really is the moodiest bitch ever
Mopping up plentiful dog turd in my 2 week dog sitting holiday :-)
Barefeet in the workplace, there really is no need but there was so much of it going on this summer
The end of all good things, Buffy, Sex and the City, Friends, even Dawson's
Losing my Lil Red to bloody Inverness for a month
The death of the straightners...
The bloody poncho, the shrug, the half cardy things... just forget them all, please
Retail at Christmas, I just cannot let it go
Apart from being fully depressed with a shite job, I think this year has been pretty fabulous, even if it was most definitely the year of the hangover for Miss Fee. Bring on 2005, now that the shite working aspect has been removed from my life, this year can only be more fabulous.
And so I go do acual housework in preparation for my mega party tonight. Ok, party for 5 but it's quality not quantity right? We're all undecided and unagreed about what to do post drinks at ours, of course Lil Red and I wanna go to the gay bar but then there's also the street party to think about. Well we all know what thought did.
I hope you all have an excellent time tonight, and think about me watching Deacon Blue in minus degree temperatures. Rock on.
12/31/2004 02:04:00 PM
Miss Floppy Fud Fee
Having braved the hoards of baragin hunters this morning I made it to HMV in order to buy my new workout video. This is no second rate soap star does star jumps video however, nor is it bloody ugly Geri does Yoga but it is in fact the Ministry of Sound, Pump it Up video featuring hot girls galore. Tne lure of highcut leotards was just too much for this little lesbo. It's all done by the chicks from the Call on Me video so I'm well looking forward to doning my wedgie enducing pants and velour headband to aid me in my fanny lunges and seductive faux bicycle riding. I do hope no one ever witnesses this. And I do hope I look as good in leg warmers and fanny floss as they do.
12/27/2004 01:54:00 PM
At least we got a white/jaundiced Christmas this year. It's so pretty to look at through your two-day hangover eyes after having been rolled out of bed by an industrial crane at 10 in the morning. I hate being hungover on Christmas day so instead of drinks on Christmas Eve I figured I'd get it over with on Thursday. With £1.50 Smirnoff Ices and two baby bells in my man sized gut, I knew I was asking for trouble going drinking straight from work. After a fully fabulous evening night I was safetly packed off to bed by 10.30 with the remnants of sprial fries in my nasal cavaties for no good reason. It wasn't until I was roused from my coma at 3am by a huge pile of vomit creeping upwards that I knew I was in for a mega spew fest. I then proceeded to vomit nothing in particular every hour and you can imagine that when I was due to get up for work that I was a bonny sight. Lil Red manhandled me as best she could into the shower and into clothes that didn't have traces of smoke, alcohol or puke on them and made her best attempt at making look vaguely human. Wow, it wasn't easy Everyone wanted a piece of The Fee that day, especially with the slivers of bile that were stuck, unbeknowst to me, in the bottom of my matted hair. I have no idea how I made it through the day without fainting, panic attacking or retching in public but I do know that I will not be drinking on a school night again in a hurry.
I hope you've all had a fabulous Christmas, I know I have. And so I go wheel my body into bed to watch Absolutely Fabulous which better be just that.
12/25/2004 09:45:00 PM
We were so wasted (thank you quadruple distilled vodka) that we went back to a party that we get invited to every single week we go out and had yet to actually go, being that we don't do drugs and I, at the best of times, am anti social. However, with the promise of plenty illict drugs and super strength alcohol we finally gave in and partied our asses off till stupid o'clock. Actually the reality is this, we were lured back by the mention of sweet tea and a good dance (having disgraced my unstable self on the gay bar dance floor I really had no option). Hardly getting rebellious in my grand old age.
Needless to say that on Saturday, Lil Red and I felt like over cooked jobbies and remained in bed til we'd languished in our bodily juices for long enough and once we'd watched the entire season 7 of Buffy. The hangover was one of my most extreme but surprisingly there were no vomits or tudes and we packed ourselves off to bed about two hours after getting out of it. Plentiful cuddles ensued.
I can't even begin to talk about the mega agroness of Christmas shopping hell yesterday. Let's just say that my festive cheer did not come home in tact nor did my liking of the human race although I did find I have a new found respect for shop assistants, now that I am no longer having to be wonderful and kind to twat-faced assholes. Clearly still an unresolved issue or twenty.
Anyway, my new job is going fabulously and my new hair cut is now a furry mop and not one to be repeated unless I train as a hairdersser so can get it to sit in as cool a fashion as it was originally intended and so I go to get mistaken for a human cloud once again.
My girl and I getting a car in two weeks, Asda here we come...
My fabulous nails
My lack of appetite, how long can it last?
Buffy Buffy Buffy Buffy Buffy
Finishing work at 4.30 pm
Having £4.86 in my account and too much shopping still to do
Not getting to see my girl on X Mas day
Having no plans for new year
Hard house music, there is just no need
Poofs with attitude
12/20/2004 01:43:00 PM
It wasn't quite an 'invitation only' event but I only invited the people that I've said more than 'hi how are you' twice to because I'm not really a more the merrier kinda girl. I like quality, not quantity. Anti social? Me? It has been mentioned. But of course, there were like 3 random cling ons who were like turd to bum hair and far more annoying and badly tattooed than anyone I'd ever come across. If you really must invite yourself to someone else's night out please ensure you actually introduce yourself to the 'host' and please do not proceed to be the loudest person in the group and steal my attention. Seriously doubt it big faced girl.
I had a fully fabulous evening and even made it to the gay bar with my Lil Red where we got trodden on by far too tall trannies and clumpy shoed lesbos. Just your average night in the gay bar then.
And so I go watch that slightly awkward and quite passionless Neighbours lesbo kiss for the 840th time this week. I truly am a sad lesbo.
12/12/2004 01:51:00 PM
Anyway, I'm very glad to be going as you all know my year and a bit working there has been less than wonderful at the best of times. I look forwrd to working in a non customer focused environment for the firist time in my working career. You'd have thought I'd have figured out that retail was not for people of a nervous disposition before now eh? After the woman in the fake purple snake skin suit and blonde bouffanic hair do complained about my lesbo manner I should have known that I really wasn't cut out for being cheery to twats.
It's not like I wont miss anything about the job. I mean I'll miss most of the people I work with and the extended breaks but really, it was time to go a year ago. Not to worry, in 9 hours I can finally close that chapter and look forward to the next one. While the job I'm going to isn't my dream publishing job, I'm hoping that will follow so I can get my gay ass out of this hole.
And so I go not hurry my ass to work. Adios!
Neighbours, I haven't been this obsessed with a lesbo storyline since bloody Beth Jordache
My leaving night out tomorrow
My long unflowing locks getting cut tomorrow, halleluya
Steps... yes it's true
The Incredibles, even if for the tap dancing lamb in the short film and for Holly Hunter's voice...
My ultimate new pants... black with fuscia pink skulls... that glow in the dark, life is so all good :-)
Hollyoaks, there's just no need
Postmen who leave parcels on your doorstep, safe
Listening to Steps really loud... oh man my neighbours wont think I'm cool anymore, oh bugger it, crank it up, bitch
Tiny eyes, where for art thou eyes?
Having no lap top and therefore internet access as of tomorrow :-( real tears
12/09/2004 08:13:00 AM
The gay bar was, as always, as exciting as a vodka induced spew but we got some good dancing on the go. My god, we even got Britney, before the hard house remixes came on that is. We escaped from the sea of poofs in salmon pink fairly early on and proceeded bedward so my girl could go work the next morning. A good night was had by all but Sunday was a shocker. I swear I had to dig my fingers into my eye sockets to actually find my eyes. And what is it with that hangover smell that no matter how many times you wash you just cannot shake it. I smelt like I’d been smeared in mouldy cheese and dog turd. You can see why all the ladies love a Fee…
Anyway, today is a very exciting day for me. Today, at 5.35pm Sky Mangel will be kissing a girl for the first gayness in Neighbours’ history. Of course I’m sure the kiss will be no more than a peck, the kinda kiss you’d save for a vile relative who chain smokes and drinks cheap bourbon but hey, I’ve got someone backed up to record it so I can replay the moment over and over and over… Oh man. I hate being a girl obsessed lesbo. Yeah right.
12/06/2004 10:54:00 AM
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Dirty Little Homos
Fash Mag Slag
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Hit the Jag Spot...
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